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by the Internet Archive 

in 2013 





Dr. Carl $rturl*r |Urtttm 







Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1863, by 


In the Clerk's office in the District Court of the United 
States in and for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania. 



§i% ©pinions, ^rtions, an& /ate 


fjforontmus 3ofes, 






Night-Watch in Schildeburg To<wn. 

Throughout, beginning, end, and middle. 

Adorned with wood-cuts, neat as a fiddle, 
A gay historia, pithy and terse, 
Writ in new-fashion doggerel verse. 


Carl Arnold Kortum, the author of this unique 
poem — which may almoft be faid to form a genus by 
itfelf — was born at Mühlheim in 1745, and died as 
Phylician, at Bochum, a fmall town in Weftphalia, 
in 1824, in the eightieth year of his age. If we knew 
the particulars of his life, we might perhaps find in 
him an anfwer to Solomon's queftion in regard to 
laughter: "What doeth it?" namely, It prolongeth 
man's days. 

The Jobfiad enjoys a great and general popularity 
in its native country,* and is, of courfe, a particular 

* In Marggraff's Houfe-treafury of German humor occurs 
the following : — 

"The Johßad firft appeared anonymoufly in 1 784, and 
has now reached its Tenth Edition, [of feveral thoufand 
copies each] which may well be regarded as a proof of the 
power of this jolly book to ftand the teft of time. A book 
may attain to feveral editions in fwift fucceflion, and then 
after all be fuddenly forgotten or no more read 5 but when, 
after half a century, new editions of a book are ftill called 


viii Tranßators Preface. 

favorite of ftudents, feveral of whom the tranflator has 
heard recite paflages from it — " pompoufly fquaring 
the circle defcribed by the wrinkle round the mouth," 
as Jean Paul fays of Schoppe — with exceeding Hen- 
nefs of comic effect. Perhaps, indeed, to be perfectly 

for and pafs out of print again, — this is certainly a proof of 
its having a kernel of national and lafting vitality. The 
Jobfiad owes the popularity which it ftill continues to find 
as well to its draftic drollery in the invention and manage- 
ment of characters and fituations, and their ethico-hiftorical 
intereft, as to the circumftance, that pedantry, with its in- 
numerable abfurdities, (which, indeed, forms the main object 
of this comic poem) has not even to this day died out in 
Germany, and will hardly ever die out, though it mould 
from time to time allume different forms. The treatment 
betrays an original vis comica and a naive drollery fuch as 
are at this day feldom found ; nay, the comic rifes fome- 
times even to humor, infofar as we may regard it as one of 
the peculiarities of humor, that the Poet tofTes about the 
world, which he fees at his feet, with fovereign caprice, with 
an ideal whimficality, that never fuffers itfelf to be degra- 
ded, by the follies on which it exercifes its perfiflage, to the 
level of hypochondriacal moodinefs or a fchoolmafter-like 

pedantry The Jobfiad owes a great part 

of its effect to the peculiar doggerel, fince become typical, 
managed by him with the moft riotous extravagance of 
whimfy, and yet at the fame time with the fure hand of a 
mafter, which Kortiim, with happy hit, himfelf originally 
created for his epic." 

Tranflator s Preface. ix 

enjoyed and appreciated, fuch a produ&ion mould be 
heard as read by fome one who has the (kill and fpirit 
to give it the proper tone and twang, or, perhaps, it 
might advantageoufly be accompanied with a fcale 
of mufical and nafal , intonation. 

By way of giving the reader all the help the cafe 
feems to admit, in the abfencc of" the defiderata juft 
referred to, the tranflator will add a few remarks in 
refpe6l to rhyme and rhythm. 

It will be obferved, as one of the commoner!: re- 
quirements in making out the meafure and fecuring 
the comic effect, that all forts of liberties are taken, 
for inftance, with accent. Thus, for the fake of rhyme, 
fuch words as Baron, Turkey, Father, and many 
others, have the ftrefs transferred to the laft fyllable j 
and fo, too, frequently, contrary, necejfary, will fome- 
times have the emphafis thrown on the laft fyllable 
but one. — Equal licence is allowed in fpelling. Snvahia 
is fpelt Snvaby to rhyme with baby. Nature is fpelt 
Natur to rhyme with Senater. The final g is repeat- 
edly cut off from participles. Thus fpinning becomes 
fpinniri' for the fake of making it rhyme with nvomen. 
— But the reader's Yankee fenfe will do juftice to all 
thefe things as he goes along, and practice will beget 
fmoothnefs, the rough quality being gradually worn 
off by the friction and heat of a rapid movement. 

x Tranßatorj Preface. 

One word more in regard to the metre of this ram- 
pant doggerel, and the tranflator, with the author, com- 
mits his work to the " indulgent reader." The metre 
is certainly fomewhat particular metre. The morteft 
and moft fatisfaclory key to be given for the fcanning 
is to fay, boldly, that each line confifts of four feet, 
each foot containing as many or few fyllables as the 
cafe may require. We will give a fpecimen, trufting 
that the reader will then feel competent to career 
with great rapidity, precifion and fatisfaflion over the 
roughnefTes that moft ferioufly 

Shake the rackt axle of Art's rattling car," 

and the occafional extended trails of verfe, that might 
otherwife prove to fome readers in this faft age a 
dead mans journey. 

Take, then, the following, which we divide, thus : — 
(the odd fyllable over and above the four feet in the 
firft couplet being a mere flourifh, or kick-up of the laft 
foot — the hind foot, fo to fpeak, of the quadruped) : — 
" If öne I of his pä j tients chanced | to recöv | er, 
I It was trüm | peted | the coün | try ö | ver, 
And they said | behöld ! | the f ä | mous man [ 
Has wrought | a wön | drous cure | again. ! 
" But if he happened to lofe his patients, 

Or they died in the midft of his operations, 
'Twas then : He died for want of breath, 

There's not an herb growing's a cure for death." 

Tranßators Preface. xi 

The Jobßad will already have had a certain intro- 
du£Hon and commendation in this country by the four 
genial pictures of Hafenclever, now in Philadelphia, 
the firft reprefenting Jobs as he comes home to his 
aftonifhed family from the Univerfity, the fecond as 
he appears before the Clerical Board of Examiners 
as a candidate for the miniftry, the third, as a fchool- 
mafter, and the fourth, as night-watchman. Thefe 
pi&ures were for a long time on exhibition at the 
Diifseldorf Gallery in New York, and the two chapters 
of this tranflation containing Jobs's letter to his parents 
for money, when he was at college, and the elder 
Jobs's anfwer, were printed in full in the catalogue of 
the exhibition, having originally appeared, (the firft and 
only portion of the Jobßad ever printed till then in 
Englim) in the " Literary World," at that time under 
the tafteful, fpirited and generous management of the 
brothers Duyckinck, whofe kindnefs the tranflator 
here gratefully remembers. 


Preface, and the Author fets out to defcribe the ftory of 
Hieronimus Jobs, deceafed, and he gives his little 

book the paternal benediction I 

Of the parents of our hero and how he was born, and 
of a memorable dream which his mother had 5 

How Mrs. Jobs, in child-bed, received a vifit from her 
female friends, and what Ma'am Goflip Schnepperle 
prophecied of the child 10 

How the child was baptized, and how he was named 
Hieronimus 14 


How the little child Hieronimus occupied himfelf 17 





Actions and opinions of Hieronimus in his boyifli years, 
and how he went to fchool 19 

How the boy Hieronimus went to the Latin fchool, 
and how he did not learn much there 23 

How Hieronimus's parents, with the Redtor and other 
friends, took counfel what they mould make out of 
the boy 26 

How the gipfy Urgalindina was alfo confulted about 
Hieronimus, who underftood the chiromantic art 28 


How Hieronimus took leave of his parents and brothers 
and fillers, and ftarted for the univerfity 33 

How Hieronimus came on horfeback to the poft-ftation, 
and how he found at the inn a diftinguilhed gentle- 
man, named Herr Von Hogier, who gave him whole- 
fome lelfons, and was a knave 36 

How Hieronimus took the poft-wagon, and how he 
f)und therein a fair one with whom he fell in love, 
and who ftole his watch 42 

Contents. xv 


How Hieronimus at the Univerfity did diligently ftudy 
Theology 45 


Contains the copy of a letter, which, among many 
others, the ftudent Hieronimus did write to his 
parents ; 49 


Here follows a copy of the written reply of old Senator 
Jobs to the foregoing letter 57 


How Hieronimus finifhed his ftudies, and how he jour- 
neyed home, and how it flood with his learning ; 
nicely reprefented in the prefent engraving 66 


How Hieronimus booted and fpurred, returns to his 
friends., 69 


How Hieronimus now began to be clerical, and how he 
got a black drefs and a peruke, and how he preached 
for the firft time in the pulpit, &c 74 


How Hieronimus was examined for a Candidate, and 
how he made out 79 



How the author fubmifiively begs pardon, that the 
former chapter was fo long, and how he promifes 
that the prefent one mail be fo much the fhorter j a 
chapter of which the rubric is longer than the chap- 
ter itfelf, and which might be omitted without inju- 

ring the ftory 90 

How Father Jobs the Senator did deliver Hieronimus a 
fermon of rebuke, and how he dies of chagrin 91 

How Hieronimus almoft became Tutor to a young 
Baron 94 

How Hieronimus became domeftic fcribe to an old 
gentleman, who had a chambermaid named Amelia; 
and how he behaved himfelf well till the following 

chapter 97 

How curious things befel the Secretary Hieronimus, 
and he was driven away 104 


How Hieronimus entered into the fervice of a pious 
lady, who was a fpiritual lifter, and had unworthy 
defigns upon him, and how he ran away from her.... m 

How Hieronimus had a bad and a good adventure, and 
how, for once in his life, he achieved a wife action... 116 

Contents. xvii 


How Hieronimus was glad to get to Ohnewitz, and 
how he became fchoolmafter there, in a fchool of 
little boys and girls 123 

How Hieronimus became an Author, and how he edited 
a new A, B, C,-book, and how he was .grievoufly 
complained of for it, by the Boors to his Lordfhip.... 128 


How the different peafants of Ohnewitz received a 
gracious refolution, and how they were advifed to 
keep filence, and how they were threatened with the 

dark hole. All in chancery ftyle 134 

How, one Wednefday, a riot broke out at Ohnewitz, 
and all forts of figns and wonders preceded it, and 
how Herr Hieronimus was driven away with cudgels, 
&c 138 

How Hieronimus in his flight to Bavaria had a new 
adventure, in meeting his beloved Amelia on the 
ftage at the theatre. Very pleafant to read. 143 

How the damfel Amelia tells Hieronimus the ftory of 
her life. A very long chapter, becaufe the perfon 
fpeaking is a female. Exactly one hundred verfes... 146 



How Hieronimus conceived a defire to be a play-actor, 
and how he was perfuaded thereto by Mifs Amelia... 162 

How Hieronimus became a real player, and how Mifs 
Amelia was falfe to him and ran off with a rich 
gentleman, and how he alfo in defperation went 
away 165 

How Hieronimus returned home to Schildeburg and how 
he found there all forts of changes 168 

How Hieronimus became night-watchman in Schilde- 
burg, and how his mother's dream and Mrs. Urgal- 
indina's prophecy were fulfilled 171 

How Hieronimus received a vifit from friend Death, 
who took him to his reft. A chapter which would 
do for a funeral fermon 1 75 


T> ESPECTED READER ! for thy edification, 
And likewife for my own recreation, 
A fuperfine hiftory I plan, 
Of Hieronimus Jobs, a remarkable man. 

i (0 

2 The Life, Opinion?, Actions and Fate 

2. Of whom I have many things to mention, 
Delerving your particular attention, 

And who, in all this life's queer mufs, 
Was a curious Hieronimus. 

3. To tell all about him were out of the queftion, 
'Twould be too much for the reader's digeftion, 

And paper and fpace would be quite too fmall 
To recite his adventures each and all. 

4. I have relpecling him many Data, 

But confine myfelf to the prominent Fata, 

And tell what he did from the day of his birth 
That was raoft memorable on the earth. 

5. Now, as I have received from St. Apollo 
The laudable gift of rhyme, it will follow 

That inftead of telling my tale in profe 
A very fine kind of verfe I chofe. 

6. I may not always adopt that meafure 
In which a cultivated ear finds pleafure ; 

The indulgent reader will confider meanwhile 
That this is what they call the popular ßyle. 

7. From my anceftor, old Hans Sachs, I inherit 
As a fecond nature, the rhyming merit, 

Hence it is that I hold poefy fo dear, 
And relate all things in verfes here. 

S. There's nobody but that rehearfes 

My coufin, the Wandibeck meffenger's verfes, 
And yet, compared with my fabric, you'll find 
That his are very far behind. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 3 

9. I have at the fame time labored bufily, 
As the indulgent reader will fee very eafily, 
To have the book, as was right and good, 
Adorned with fine engravings in wood. 

10. But as new engravings were fcarce and coftly, 
I have borrowed from other fources moftly, 
And yet it would puzzle any one to tell 
That they were borrowed, they fit fo well. 

it. They're none of Chodowiecki's chefs-d'oeuvre, 
I almoft flatter myfelf, however, 

They will do as well, or well enough, 

To help the book through a world fo rough. 

12. And, then, if the pictures are not the neateft, 
The verfes, too, are not the completeft, 

And fo the two exactly agree 
And make out a perfect harmony. 

13. And now little Book, I'll no longer delay thee 5 
Go hence, to the fons of men difplay thee ; 

There's many a book no better than thou, 
Is yearly fent to the Fair, I trow. 

14. And yet allow me one moment to linger, 
While I place on thy head my authorial finger, 

And like a father benignantly, 
Pronounce, dear Book, a bleffing on thee ! 

15. May heaven protect thee a good long feafon 
From critics, moths and lamp-paper treafon, 

And all other mifchiefs that await 
Printed books at the prefent date. 


The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

1 6. Thou wilt have, both in and out of Swaby, 
Thy native land, many readers, may be $ 

That paper, printing and labor of brain, 
May not, God help us ! have been in vain. 

17. Go now and with my greetings hie thee 
To all and each who read and buy thee, 

And to every worfhipful Reviewer, 
My fpecial compliments, be fure. 

1 8. Tell them, (but foftly, that they may not be offended,) 
How they have often reviewed and recommended, 

Many a book before now, 

That was much worfe written than thou. 


Stanza 8. The JVandßeck mejfenger means that fimple- 
hearted old German, Claudius, born in 1743, who so called 
himself and took for the motto of his papers, '* Ajmus, omnia 
fua fccum portans." (Afmus, carrying all his poifeffions with 

Stanza 10. And yet the learned reader will detect in the 
wood cut that heads this chapter, the traditionary picture of 
St. Luke, attended by the Ox, and writing his gofpel. 

Stanza II. Chodowiecki was a famous German artift in 
this line, born at Dantzic in 1723. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 



Of the parents of our hero and ho<w he nvas born, and 
of a memorable dream <which his mother had. 

T>EFORE I go further, it is my intention, 
Of our hero's two parents to make mention, 
And a word or two muft be alfo fet forth 
Concerning his true place of birth. 



The Life, Opinions, Actions and Tate 

2. It was, then, a little town in Swaby, 
Where the parents lived who had this baby, 

And there his father, Hans Jobs by name, 
Was a counfellor of considerable fame. 

3. He was rich in cattle and that fort of blefling, 
Befide our hero many other children polfefTing, 

Of the male fex and female no lefs, 

And lived, on the whole, in peace and happinefs. 

4. He had in wine fome little dealings, 

Was an upright man in his walk and feelings, 
Juft both at home and in council hall, 
And a great economift withal. 

5. A genuine Lutheran in his religious perfuafion, 
In philofophy neither Wolfian nor Cartefian, 

Becaule in fact neither Wolf nor Kant 
N01 any philofophy could he underftand. 

6. To ftudy, however, he had fomewhat attended, 
And for a whole year the gymnafium frequented, 

And consequently, fo far, knew much more 
Than any worfhipful counfellor had done before. 

7. When poor folks came, he loved to befriend them, 
And for a pledge would gladly lend them, 

And never charged more than ten per cent, 
And was fomewhat phlegmatic in temperament. 

8. He was rather fliort and fquat in ftature, 
Was endowed with a great appetite by nature, 

The newspapers he loved to read, 

And fmoked many a pipe of narcotic weed. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate 


9. And often when the gall ran over, 
Severe attacks of gout he would fufFer, 
And yet he always found himfelf able 
To take his place at the council table. 

10. The mother was of refpectable ftation, 

The molt eloquent woman in the Swabian nation, 
Tall and virtuous and upright, 
And meek as a lamb — at firfi fight. 

11. Only, alas ! as too often the cafe is 
Not only here, but in other places, 

She now and then, when it came in her way, 
Would wear the breeches, as they fay. 

12. Now this occafioned no fmall vexation 
At times, and led to altercation 5 

Yet on the whole did our two loves 
Live like a pair of turtle doves. 

13. They had now for feveral years in succeffion 
Received of children a yearly addition, 

And yet at the time of our ftory, 'twas plain 
Mrs. Jobs was foon to come down again. 

14. And now, when her nine months were ended, 
And the time of delivery impended j 

The above Mrs. Jobs immediately went 

To make preparation for the important event. 

15. Before, however, I go on with my hiftory, 
I mull ftop to mention a singular myftery, 

A dream, in fact, that one night befel 
This Mrs. Jobs of whom I tell. 

The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

6. We learn by experience oft repeated, 
That dreams are not to be lightly treated ; 

Of that, dear reader, I prefently 
A notable proof will furnifh thee. 

7. One night, as Mrs. Jobs lay fleeping, 

This wonderful dream into her head came creeping, 
That, inftead of a little child, was born 
Of her a great and mighty horn. 

8. This horn fo mightily crafhed and founded, 
That Mrs. Jobs woke up aftounded, 

And often, after Ihe awoke, 

About that horn Ihe thought and fpoke. 

9. A lady, to whom (he applied for explanation, 
Gave her at the time this confolation, 

That thus the interpretation ran : 

Her child would certainly be a great man. 

0. And that his voice his mouth would nourifh, 
And in the pulpit would greatly flourim, 

For that was clearly and finely mown 

By the monftrous horn with its mighty tone. 

1. But we will not here be anticipating 

The fequel for which the reader is waiting, 
And fo I now return to the text 
And proceed to tell what happened next. 

2. The mother laid all things ftraight in her chamber, 
And on the thirtieth day of September, 

Juft at the right time me had the joy 
Of giving birth to a little boy. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


23. Was ever a father's happinefs greater? 

And heavens ! how proudly felt the Senator ! 
And how did he leap, when, blooming there, 
He saw before him a son and heir ! 


Stanza a. Sioaby, poetic licence for Swabia, juft as we 
have Virginny for Virginia, and for Arabia, Araby (the 

Stanza 7. Some points in this description of old Jobs will 
remind the reader of " Old Grimes." 

io The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 


Hotv Mrs. Jobs, in child-bed, received a njifit from her 
female friends, and ivhat Ma'am Gossip Schnepperle 
prophecied of the child. 

^ND so Mrs. Jobs, as we've juft been telling, 

With her dear little Jobfey was keeping her dwelling ; 
Clofe by her fide all fwaddled he lay, 
And thought of nothing and flept away. 

2. 'Twere impoflible to defcribe the jubilation 
That filled all the Jobfian habitation ; 

Neighbors and kinfmen came and went, 
And thofe that couldn't themfelves go, fent. 

3. The chamber rang with a conftant alarum, 
As when the bees in the May month fwarm, 

And all the day long it was buzz, buzz, buzz, 
Round the dear little Hieronimus. 

4. Exactly three days had now expired, 
Since Mrs. Jobs to her bed retired, 

When a mighty fwarm of women made free 
To invite themfelves to afternoon tea. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


5. And of all thefe madams, to my thinking, 
Who came to Mrs. Jobs's tea-drinking, 

Though there was none whofe gifts were fmall, 
Ma'am Schnepperle's gift excelled them all. 

6. Little Jobfey's father was her coufin ; 

The company talked of the weather, and a dozen 
Other matters of the fame kind, 
And the converfation was quite unconfuVd. 

7. Next after madam's health they inquired, 
And to know how the baby was they defired, 

Whether he feemed to like his pap, 
And was a quiet little chap ? 

8. Then they began, in rotation, to raife him 
High in the air and heft him and praife him, 

And none could find fit words to exprefs 
Their fenfe of his uncommon prettinefs. 

2 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

9. " My honored coufin," began Ma'am Schnepperle, 
(She fpoke through her nofe, but rather dapperly,) 
A learned man the child will be, 
That by his face I can plainly fee. 

0. " I have read a book and admired it greatly, 
Which I took from the council library lately, 

About the art of Phyfiognomy, 

And everything, the how and why. • ' 

1. "And there was a dreadful lot of faces, 
Pious rogues with terrible grimaces, 

Learn'd dunces, profiles ugly and fair, 
And heads of animals, too were there. 

2. " If I rightly remember what I read there, 

I think (almoft in fo many words) it faid there, 
That there is genius in fuch a phiz, 
As this little wry one of Jobfey's is. 

3. " Nor mould I fear to pledge his mother 

That the child will take to books one day or other j 
And, if he only lives long enough, he 
Will be a parfon, undoubtedly. 

4. " His mighty voice that he lifts like a trumpet 
Shows that he one day will mount the pulpit." 

(N. B. — Juft here little Jobfey cried out 

As if he knew what they were talking about.) 

5. Ma'am faid much more before (he had completed, 
That cannot in this place be repeated ; 

However fhe ended at laft, and then 

All the women fell in with a loud Amen. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs y the Candidate. 13 

16. And now when the vifit was finally ended, 
Each one her hand to Mrs. Jobs extended, 

And thanked her for the honour fhe had done, 
Then all returned to whene they'd come. 

17. Poor Mrs. Jobs's head-aches were mocking, 

But me was edified by Ma'am Schnepperle's talking j 
Efpecially as the world faid, (he 
Was acquainted with aftrology. 


Stanza 3. Swarm in the fecond line mult be pronounced 
with the Irifh r : sivarrm. 

Stanza 8. To heft, was a vulgarifm in New England, in 
the tranflator's boyhood, meaning to teft the heavinefs {heft) 
of a thing by lifting it. 

Stanza 10. The book would appear to have been Lavater. 

Stanza 14. Trumpet and pulpit make a fine afonan%a. 

Stanza 16. The reader will please remember the rule 
for scanning given in the preface. 



The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 


Ho-iv the child <voas baptized, and ho-iv he ivas named 

\ T THEN a few days more had alfo tranfpired, 

'Twas baptifm plainly the infant defired, 
For his cries were piteous to hear, 
And caufed his mother pain fevere. 

a. Vainly they plied both breaft and bottle, 
Nor would fugar dollies ftop his throttle, 
But he kept up one inceffant fhriek 
'Till one could no longer hear himfelf fpeak. 

3. Therefore in Senator Jobs's habitation, 
Provifion was made for the baptifmal collation, 

And dimes of all forts were made or fent 
That might adorn the facrament. 

4. Twifts and rings and other fuch matters, 
Were baked for the fupper and piled on platters, 

Nor was there in wine, tobacco and beer, 
Certainly any deficiency here. 

5. Friends and relations, aunts, uncles and coufins, 
Nurfes, acquaintances, neighbors by dozens, 

When the hour arrived, came pouring in, 
All fmiling and drelTed as neat as a pin. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 15 

That fexton and parfon, with formulary, 

Were alfo there, you need not query, 
And the whole fenatorial body, too, 
Had arrived at the houfe in feafon due. 

Many other guefts alfo, by invitation, 
Came to this great and high celebration, 

And to Jobs's credit confefTed it muft be, 

That all pafled off with propriety. 

However there rofe a difputation 

About the infant's appellation ; 

Whether Heinz it mould be, or Peter or Hans, 
Or Joft or Jacob or Hermann or Franz. 

But none of thefe names, though full of attraction 

Seemed to give univerfal fatisfaction, 
And matters might almoft have paffed 
From words to fomething worfe at laft, 

Had not the parfon, with wife difcerning, 
Given this advice, like a man of learning, 
To examine the calendar, and fee, 
Affixed to the birthday what name might be. 

The calendar, without further queftion, 
Was ftraightway opened by the fexton, 

And there they found without any fufs, 

The name of St. Hieronimus. 

Such a wife counfel to all the connection, 
To parents and godfathers gave great fatisfaction, 
And fo the vote was unanimous, 
That the child mould be called Hieronimus. 

i6 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

13. And now when this weighty point was decided. 
The parfon, in manner and form provided, 

Pronounced and performed the Actus, and thus 
The child was baptized Hieronimus. 

14» All things thereafter went calm and cofy, 
Parfon and fexton waxed right rofy, 

And they did nothing elfe for almoft half 
The night but eat, drink, fmoke and laugh. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


How the little child Hieronimus occupied him/elf. 

\ T 7HILE yet in his Twaddling clothes, Hieronimufly 
Pafled his time in a manner fufficiently fuffy, 
Slept, ate, fucked or drank, one after another, 
Or liftened the lullaby fung by his mother. 

2. His fleeping and eating, and fucking and drinking, 
Were much like other children's, to my thinking ; 

Much time in rocking him alfo was fpent, 
And yet for all that he was never content; 

3. But often would fcream whole days together, 
And raife in the cradle a bitter pother, 

As if fome terrible grief had affailed him, 
Though there was nothing on earth that ailed him . 

4. Some wife people have undertaken, 

With an air that implied they could not be miftaken, 
To aJTert that there rauft in thefe cafes be 
(God save the mark!) fome forcery. 

5. And fo the nurfe and eke the phyfician 

Are called to pronounce on the child's condition, 

And many a dofe of rhubarb and rum 

Is given, and fometimes laudanum. 

1 8 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

6. He thus became almoft a burden to his mother, 
But he throve in this way as well as in any other, 

And every day, as it came along, 
Found him more fat and stout and ftrong. 

7. Father and mother took therefore great pleafure 
In their darling child — their precious treafure, 

And many was the hearty bufs 
They gave little Hieronimus. 

8. I have no further information 

Of the firft few years of Jobs's earthly probation j 
And therefore it is beft, I fuppofe, 
To bring this chapter here to a dole. 


Stanza 5. "What are you doing, mad mother! miferable 
nurfe ! when you pour this vile compound into the unftained 
fnow of! an infant's bofom ! Know you not that paregoric is 
opium and rum ? A compofition that Samfon could not have 
fwallowed much of, unfcathed." Sermon on Intemperance. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 19 


Actions and opinions of Hieronimus in his boy iß years, 
and honv he went to fchool. , 

/~\F the other early years of our hero, 

^""^ I likewife can give no information that is thorough, 
Inasmuch as the courfe his life has run, 
Has been hitherto a very narrow one. 

%. Confequently an account of his actions, 
Would poflefs no remarkable attractions 5 
Suffice it to fay, that while yet a boy, 
Eating and drinking were his chief employ. 

3. He had however his gifts as well as others, 
Preferred as playmates the girls to their brothers, 

Would often quarrel and teafe in play, 
And was noted for many a mifchievous way. 

4. Lying and fwearing he early took to, 

And learned them well without any book too, 
Whereby the neighbours - ' children round 
Much edification in his company found. 

5. He had a fweet tooth, loved candy to diftraction, 
Likewife in nuts and raisins took great fatisfaction, 

And all the money he got and fpent, 
For fomething dainty and liquorifh went. 


The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

6. With brothers and fillers he always was quarrelling, 
But his father never would give him a feruling, 

And as to his mother, poor, dear, good soul 
She never noticed fuch things at all. 

7. All children of his age he could mafter, 

There was none of them could leap or run fafter, 
Not one of them was fo ftrong as he, 
And whoever provoked him had better let him be. 

8. And being a boy of great endowments, 

He was charged with many houfehold employments, 
To foddering the cattle would fometimes fee, 
And fuperintend the economy. 

9. Sometimes he rode the horfes to water, 

Or a jug of beer from the tavern brought, or 
A fresh laid egg from the hennery, 
Or a goose's or duck's, as the cafe might be. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 21 

10. On the whole, was a fair, good-for-nothing fellow, 
Had a pair of lungs that could terribly bellow, 

And would act on a bench the preacher's part ; 
All this went right to his parents' heart. 

11. For they watched with a fecret gratification 
Hieronimus's talent in its manifeftation, 

And often in their heads it would run : 
" There is the parfon, fure as a gun." 

12. Efpecially the mother, who remembered 

The Schnepperle's words, when she was chambered, 
And alfo the dream (he formerly had, 
Could hardly contain herfelf, me was fo glad. 

13. For all feemed to hang together fo neatly, 
And exprefs the matter fo completely ; 

And when me weighed all this, me could fee 
The future parfon as plain as could be. 

14. Accordingly to fchool they fent him, 

To fit him for the ftation they meant him, 
Which pleafed Hieronimus little enough, 
For he liked his play much better than fuch fluff. 

1 5. He hated his lefTons and never learned them, 
He threw his books on the floor or burned them, 

And the a, b, abs and the o, b, obs 
They gave a head-ache to mafter Jobs. 

16. 'Tis true, the preceptor did earneftly endeavour 
To recommend learning to his favour, 

And he and the rod in company, 
Worked away at his genius faithfully. 

22 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

17. This man had remarkable qualifications 
For giving felf-willed boys educations, 

And oftentimes on moulder and back 

His cane came down with a mighty thwack. 

1 8. Extraordinary efforts in this cafe were needed, 
But at length the Herculean labor fucceeded, 

And Hieronimus his letters told, 

By the time he was about ten years old. 

19. How old he may have been exactly, 

When he learned to read the German correctly, 
I am not at prefent prepared to ftate 
In a manner very accurate. 

20. And when more years he began to reckon, 
From the German fchool the boy was taken, 

And to the Latin fchool was fent 
To learn his Latin j but how it went 

21. With Hieronimus in his Latin, 

And how they fucceeded in getting that in, 
All this I promife faithfully,- 
The reader mall in the next chapter fee. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 23 


H<nv the boy Hieronimus <went to the Latin fchool, and 
hoiv he did not learn much there. 

TJF IERONIMUS, purfuing the parental intention, 
Began now at Menfa his Firft Declenfion, 
And every important article taught 
In the Latin grammar he likewife got. 


The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

2. Many vocables he alfo committed, 

But the poor Hieronimus was much to be pitied, 
For that cursed loufy Latin, he faid, 
Would nowife get into his head. 

3. In Conjugations and Syntaxis, 
And generally in the Latin Praxis, 

It feemed as if the old Harry was loofe, 
And his body fuffered no little abufe. 

4. For the Rector being a Hypochondriacus 
Showed no partiality to Hieronimus, 

But cudgelled him often as if he were mad, 
And many a fkinfull he gave the poor lad. 

5. By a fyftem of teaching fo painfully hurried, 
The youth almoft to death was worried, 

And often wimed (in terms uncivil) 

His grim old Rector would go to the d 1. 

6. 'Tis true, full many a trick he played him, 
And richly for all the cudgellings paid him, 

In fact the man had a deal of fufs 
With the rogue of a Hieronimus. 

7. For he cut up incognito all forts of capers 
With the old gentleman's perukes and papers, 

And fent full many a poifoned dart 
Right into the worthy man's heart. 

8. He gave his fchoolmates, too, much trouble, 
And brought them into many a hobble, 

For he hated them with hatred profound, 
And often knocked them flat on the ground. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 25 

9. No book of theirs, nor any garment 
Was fafe from the tricks of this torment, 
And many of his tricks were of that kind, 
That leave a very bad odour behind. 

10. Sometimes he would act the eavesdropper, 

And catching a fchoolmate at anything improper, 
Straightway he to the Rector reported the boy, 
And witnefled the flogging with heartfelt joy. 

11. Lazy in brain and fore in body, 

At length he went home quite fick of ftudy, 
And there for the moft part his time parted by 
In unprofitable inactivity. 

12. Of his Greek I have nothing to fay at prefent, 
He found it exceedingly unpleafant, 

And the barbarous Tupto, Tupteis, 
Would turn Hieronimus' heart to ice. 

13. Far be it from me, thought he, to dabble 
In fuch a jaw-cracking, Irifti gabble, 

And as regards the Hebrew fpeech, 

He called it poifon and kept out of its reach. 

14. He made therefore no progrefs worth repeating, 
Save in lying and fwearing and drinking and eating, 

And in the invention of an original cuss, 
Nobody could match Hieronimus. 


Stanza 14. Cust is Yankee for curse. {Note for foreign 

26 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 


Haw Hieronimus 's parents, with the Rector and other 
friends, took counfel what they ßould make out of 
the boy. 

"^yTow when the boy in this ftate of diftraction, 
Had pafled fome eighteen years and a fraction, 
And in fact was already half a head higher 
Than old Hans Jobs his fire, 

2. His parents began to be puzzled with cogitation 
About his future occupation, 

For it was high time fomething mould be done 
With this moft extraordinary fon. 

3. Firft of all they put the Rector the queftion, 
Whether he could not make any fuggeftion 

As to his future deftiny, 

And what he was beft fitted to be. 

4. Now this man would not diflemble in the matter, 
Nor with idle hopes the parents flatter, 

So he came out roundly and told the truth : 
" You can't make anything good of the youth. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


5. " Study is clearly not his vocation ; 
It were wifer to try fome occupation 5 

A Counsellor might of fuch a one be made ; 
If not, it were well to put him to a trade. 

6. "I have many a time in recitation 
Difcovered with great commiferation, 

That there's nothing in him that pofBbly could 
Do a refpected public the leaft mite of good." 

7. This fpeech, as may well be apprehended, 
The Jobfian couple grievoufly offended ; 

They heaped upon it all manner of abufe 
And called the Rector a ftupid goofe. 

8. In a council of friends the queftion was ftated, 
And pro et contra rationally debated j 

Old Jobs looked as grave, and fo did all, * 
As if that houfe were the council hall. 

9. After they had been two-and-a-half hours in feflion 
They compromifed matters by this proportion : 

That the fubject be poßponed to a neiv term 

For nearer examination ,• meanwhile <voe adjourn. 

28 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 


Hoiv the gipfy Urgalindina nvas alfo confuted about 
Hieronimus, ivho underflood the Chiromantie art. 

\ ND now all the friends who the meeting attended, 
At Counfellor Jobs's, homeward had wended, 
When, as good luck would have it, one day, 
There came an old gipfy along that way. 

2. From a very old family fhe was defcended, 
Urgalindina was her name, fhe pretended, 

And Egypt, fhe faid, was the country from which 
She came, and her mother was burned as a witch. 

3. Men's actions and fortunes this woman predicted, 
When me the lines on their hands had infpected, 

And future things as clearly could trace 
As if they already had taken place. 

4. She had greatly delighted many a maiden 
By prophefying her approaching weddin', 

And indicated the bridegroom's name 

As if fhe had long been acquainted with the fame. 

5. To many an heir beginning to be difcontented, 
The fpeedy death of a rich uncle fhe hinted, 

And oh, how glad would fuch a one be, 
When his uncle died unexpectedly ! 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 29 

6. To many almoft defpairing fpoufes, 

Whofe wives, alas ! were the plagues of their houfes, 
She came with welcome words of cheer 
And whifpered a fpeedy deliverance near. 

7. To many a dunce difagreeably fmelling 

Of mufk and pomatum, (he was often feen telling 
liow, in fpite of all his awkwardnefs, 
He would find fome fair one his heart to blefs. 

8. The words me chofe were always fo fitting 
That me hardly ever failed of hitting ; 

Yet a cunning ambiguity 

Helped her out of many a perplexity. 

9. She had for each fome fpecial good ftory : 
To foldiers me prophefied powder and glory, 

To deftitute epicures "heaps of gold, 
The kingdom of heaven to matrons old. 

1 o. With other arts me was alfo acquainted, 
But not all her fingular merits prevented 
Her falling occafionally into fin, 
For fhe ftole, incidentally, now and then. 

11. In short her reputation rivaled in fplendor, 
The fame of the celebrated witch of Endor, 

At leaft in lying and chiromancy 
No gipfy woman was keener than me. 

12. Now when Mrs. Jobs heard of her coming, 
She immediately went to find the woman, 

And at her door, juft out of her reach, 
Addrefled to her the following fpeech : 


o The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

3. " My dear Mrs. Urgalindina, right glad am 
I to fee you on the prefent occafion, Madam, 

I've a fon I beg that you would fee, 
And pronounce on his future deftiny. 

4. " I truft you will yield to our perfuafion, 
And without any equivocation or evafion 

Very candidly ftate to us, 

What is to be done with Hieronimus." 

5. " Madam !" me anfwered, " I will do as directed, 
So foon as I his hands have infpected ; 

I will then, as an honeft woman, declare 
His future fortune, to a hair." 

6. They immediately fent for Hieronimus, 

And Ma'am Urgalindina in a fomewhat ominous 
Tone, requefted his right hand to fee 
Which fomewhat fmutty happened to be. 

7. The gipfy woman, with fearching vifion, 
Examined all points with great precifion, 

Meafured the lines and the furfaces too, 
As chiromantifts are wont to do. 

8. For a moment or two (he nothing uttered, 
At laft like a Delphian Sibyl fhe muttered 

Something between her teeth a while, 
And prophelied in the following ftyle : 

9. " I've founded, my dear Hieronimus, I've founded, 
By the art in which I am perfectly grounded, 

Thy whole future deftiny, my fon ! 

By that throat of thine and its mighty tone — 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


20. " Shall many a brazen villain be fhaken, 

Many a flumbering finner malt thou awaken, 
So that the city far and wide, 
Shall by thy gifts be edified. 

ar. "Both good and evil mail feel thy protection, 
Thou malt guard from body's and foul's deftruction 
Both young and old, and great and fmall, 
A faithful and vigilant keeper to all. 

22. " Thy wife teachings this city's population 
Shall one day hear with edification, 

And when thy mouth is opened to cry 
Aloud, no one (hall make reply. 

23. " I may not for the prefent, venture 

Any farther than this on thy future to enter, 
But what I have faid muft now fuffice, 
Go then, my fon, now go and be wife." 

24. Here Urgalindina her prophecy ended, 

Both father and mother, who had clofely attended, 
Were entirely fatisfied and filled with joy, 
To hear fuch prediction concerning their boy. 

25. For in their minds already our hero 
Was clearly a parfon in futuro, 

With this the prophecy feemed to agree, 
How could it be clearer poffibly ? 

26. Off did Urgalindina hobble, 

When fhe had got a fumptuous fee for her trouble : 
They fay (he had fcarcely got out of fight, 
When fhe laughed at parents and fon outright. 

32 The Life j Opinions, Actions and Fate 

27. And now, to cover the Rector with confufion, 
Both Mr. and Mrs. Jobs came to the conclufion, 

That the beloved Hieronimus 

Should ftraightway become a Theologus. 

28. In chapter Tenth, we mail therefore accompany 
Hieronimus to the Academy ; 

But firft we muft flop awhile to tell 
What took place at the laft farewell. 


Stanza 2. The reader must be careful not to pronounce 
ivitch and which as if they were the same word, as school- 
boys sometimes do. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 33 


fljw Hieronimus took leave of his parents and brothers 
and ßßerSy and started for the university. 

TT7HEN Hieronimus's departure was decided, 
Straightway he was fuperfluoufly provided 
With clothes, books, money and everything 
That is neceflary to ftudying. 

a. The family found fome confolation 

In the labour and care of the preparation, 
But when the parting hour drew near 
On both fides was many a bitter tear. 

3. The grave old Senator Jobs's bawling, 
Was juft a regular caterwauling, 

And fobbing he gave a farewell kifs 
To his dear fon Hieronimus. 

4. And he added alfo a fatherly blefTing, 
This counfel to the youth addrefling j 

" Farewell and attend to thy ftudies, my fon, 
That we may have joy, when all is done ! 

34 'The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

5. " If anything mould ever ail thee 

(There may be times when money will fail thee,) 
Always write without fear to me, 
Whatever is wanting I'll fend to thee ! " 

6. Hieronimus was, as may well be fufpected, 
By his father's words extremely affected, 

And promifed always to let him know 
Whenever his purfe fhouLd be getting low. 

7. Still worfe was it with the poor mother 
Who did not undertake her grief to fmother $ 

Pierced through by forrow's bitter dart, 
She preffed her dear fon long to her heart. 

8. At length me ftepped aride a fecond, 
And to Hieronimus beckoned, 

And flipped into the hand of her fonny 
A little bag containing fome money. 

9. This very pious motherly blefling 
Was to Hieronimus deeply diftreffing, 

And not without many a heavy fob, 
He thruft the little bag in his fob. 

10. Next came his brothers and fifters in rotation, 
Whom he, amidft piteous lamentation, 

Each by the hand fuceeffively (hook, 
And now his departure Hieronimus took. 

11. The weeping and wailing of the parents lafted 
For feveral days ; the old man fafted 

To fuch an extent as utterly to refufe 
Wine, beer, tobacco and the daily news. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


12. The greateft of all was the mother's trouble, 
She was almoft inconfoläble, 

But with the brothers and lifters, I hear, 
There was very much lefs danger to fear. 

N. B. — The wood-cut that heada the next Chapter, admi- 
rably fulfils the Author's promife in Chapter I, 10. The 
double knave of cards exprelfes in emblem Hogier's gambling 
and double-dealing. One of them being knave of hearts 
alludes to the affectionate manner by which Hieronimus was 
taken in, while the hanging of the head (Kopfhängerei) 
betrays the hypocrite ; the other being the knave of diamonds, 
intimates how he took all the profits as well as honors. 
(Stanza 29.) 

The Chriftian, or rather Pagan name Hector in the firft 
card denotes the gay and brazen rogue, while that of Hogier 
in the fecond feems to refer to the hoax, the humbug, he 
played off on Hieronimus. 


The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 


Honv Hieronimus came on horfeback to the pofl-ßation, 
and how he found at the inn a dißinguißeJ gentle- 
man, named Herr Von Hogier, ivko gave him ivbole- 
fome lejfons, and was a knave. 

A ND now Hieronimus has finally departed j 
*• The old houfe fervant who was very kind-hearted, 
Rode to the next village by his fide, 
Where he was to get into the poftwagon to ride. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


2. Altho* now the departure had affected him fadly, 
Neverthelefs he looked forward gladly 

To the beloved univerfity, 

Where time paffes off fo pleafantly. 

3. Scarcely had he began to find him- 
self out on the highway and Schildburg behind him, 

When he parents and brothers and fillers forgot, 
And was highly delighted at the thought, 

4. That now henceforth, as a free ftudent, 
He need be no longer fo prim and prudent, 

And as to the grim old Rector and his rod, 
He was well rid of them, thank God ! 

5. It filled him with fpecial exultation, 

He was richer than a king in his own eftimation, 
When the money into his mind did come 
Which he had taken with him from home. 

6. He thought and he felt with the greateft pleafure, 
Of the little bag, the precious treafure, 

From his highly afflicted mother received 
When fhe at parting fo bitterly grieved. 

7. And now, as all other paftime was wanting, 
He drew out the bag and fell to counting 

The money, and found to his happinefs 
That the little bag contained no lefs 

8. Than thirty different pieces of money, 
All of filver, thick, heavy and fhiny, 

Gilders and dollars manifold, 
Moftly of coinage rare and old. 

8 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

9. His mother had faved them one after another, 
And for future emergencies laid them together, 
For not unjuftly me had the name 
Of being an economical dame. 

0. Then too the fervant who attended him 
By way of paftime occafionally handed him 

Some of the victualia 

His parents had provided to eat on the way. 

1. Now when in this kind of occupation, 
Hieronimus had ridden fome hours in fucceflion, 

Faint and weary he at length got down 
At the tavern of the aforefaid town. 

2. Here indeed he found the poftwagon 

In which to the univerfity he was to jog on j 
But it fo happened that the cart 
Was not at the moment ready to ftart. 

3. Hieronimus firft of all directed, 

That his nag to the ftable mould be conducted ; 
The fervant put fome oats in the rack, 
And took the portmanteau off his back. 

4. At the fame time he began to be thinking, 
Of refrefhing himfelf by eating and drinking, 

And foon to the table he found his way, 
And there grew ftrong and frefh and gay. 

5. Now there was in the tavern a fellow lodger, 
With a great peruke, and a rich-looking codger, 

The man from diftant countries came, 
Herr Baron von Hogier was his name. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs y the Candidate. 39 

6. The ftranger fhowed our hero much honour, 
And inquired who he was in a friendly manner ; 

Hieronimus anfwered without demur, 
"lama ftudent, refpected fir, 

7. " At your honour's fervice, and right glad am I 
That I am going to the academy, 

There to ftudy diligently 
The fcience of theology." 

8. " Ah ! well, I wifh you all the joy I can, fir !" 
The gentleman in the great peruke made anfwer, 

" But, I advife you, take great care 
That you do not get into trouble there. 

9. " I in my time have had fome knowledge 
Of the way they carry on at college j 

Many a young fremman throws away 
His time and money on curfed play. 

20. "And many, inftead of ftudying with application, 
Run into all manner of diffipation, 

And wafte their valuable time 
In many a folly, not to fay crime. 

21. " My own experience can anfwer 
For this fad truth, indeed it can, fir : 

I beg you therefore to attend 

To what I fay, on the word of a friend." 

22. "Dear fir," Hieronimus refponded, 
" I thank you for advice fo candid, 

And the timely wifdom you have taught 
Shall never in all my life be forgot. 


The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

»3. "Atthe fame time I will not difguife the truth, fir, 
Playing has great attractions for this youth, fir, 
But I have the honor to affure you that I, 
Whenever I do play, never play high." 

*4- " In moderate playing I fee no danger," 
Politely anfwered the diftinguimed ftranger, 
" One lofes nothing, except ennui, 
And pafTes the time quite pleafantly. 

15. " We, for example, here together, 
For the fake of amufing one another, 
Might play a little game," faid he, 
"With innocence and propriety." 

26. Hieronimus, without the leaft fufpicion, 
Accepted the gentleman's propofition, 
And was very willing to take a game 
Or two, until the poftwagon came. 

»7. The thing was done as foon as decided, 
The hoft a new pack of cards provided 

And placed before his guefts, and ftraightway 
The two fat down and began to play. 

28. They fet their ftakes quite low in the beginning, 
But Hieronimus, led on by his love of winning, 

To mark up higher and higher begun, 
Becaufe at firft he regularly won.] 

29. But all on a fudden fortune deferted 

Our hero, with whom (he had previoufly flirted, 
And the gentleman in the great peruke 
Both all the honors and profits took. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


30. And thus Hieronimus had very foon parted 
With all the loofe money he took when he ftarted, 

And now as his lofles came thick and faft, 
He drew out the little bag at laft. 

31. And now Hieronimus began to grow frightened, 
For at every throw the bag was lightened, 

And it became very evident that luck 
Would£m\\e on the gentleman in the great peruke. 

34. In lefs than three-quarters of an hour the blefling 
Of his poor dear mother was entirely miffing, 
For the gentleman in the great peruke 
Had robbed him of all by hook and crook. 

33. For the good Hieronimus had not detected, 
In fact he never for a moment fufpected, 

That he was cheated by him of the great peruke, 
For Herr von Hogier had an honeft look. 

34. At laft he really began to 

Think of unbuckling his portmanteau, 
To ftake the little therein contained, 
Which would his refources have entirely drained, 

35. But at that moment fo highly ominous, 

The gentleman in the peruke and Hieronimus, 
Both heard on a fudden the poftillion blow, 
As a fignal for Hieronimus to go. 

36. He felt a little reluctance at parting, 
Then fuddenly and impetuoufly ftarting, 

He jumped up into the poft-wagon and took 
Leave of the gentleman in the great peruke. 

4 2 

The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 


Hoiv Hieronimus took the Poß-nvagon, and honxj he found 
therein a fair one nvith nvhom he fell in love, and who 
flole his uuatch. 

T WILL now proceed with a narration 
Of what befel Hieronimus on leaving the ftation, 
For he is not rid of his troubles yet, 
But further obstacles are to be met. 

2. The great peruke would ftill come gliding 
Into his thoughts as he went on riding, 

And he now for the firft time began to fee 
That the fellow no better than a knave could be. 

3. His confcience kept up a terrible racket 
About the lofs of the maternal packet, 

He fighed and groaned and wifhed bad luck 
To the gentleman in the great peruke. 

4. He murmured fo that people could hear him j 
But a beautiful damfel fitting near him, 

On whom his eyes till now fcarce fell, 
Roufed him from the melancholy fpell. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


5. She feemed about twenty years — not older, 
Black eyes and hair and a very white moulder, 

Rofy-red in mouth and cheek 

And, the truth in a fingle word to fpeak, 

6. Her being was nothing but grace, appealing 
Irrefiftibly to the tendereft feeling. 

This fairy inquired, half in jeft, 

What forrow difturbed Hieronimus' breaft. 

7. Wherewith me pleafantly fmiled upon him, 
Which pleafant fmile of hers quite won him. 

So that, as clofe by her fide he fot, 
The lofs of his packet he quite forgot. 

8. A glow of rapture kindled his fancies, 

For in her whole perfon and tender glances, 
A youth like him could not fail to find 
Something quite dangerous to his peace of mind. 

9. After lefs than half an hour's duration 
He had made, in beft ftyle, a declaration 

As fervent as ever a hero of romance 

Can make to his love by his author's hands. 

10. She feemed to hear him with fome predilection, 
At all events fhe made no objection, 

Hieronimus therefore edged up more near 
And began to whifper in her ear. 

XI. I know not what further pafTed on the occafion 
Improper to mention in this narration, 
Suffice it, with both, the time pafled by 
In fweet, confidential familiarity. 

44 %he Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

12. When at laft they came to the poft-ftation 
She bade adieu with friendly proteftation, 

But in what direction (he went from here 
Shall by and by be made to appear. 

13. When, after feveral hours had tranfpired 
Since the fair one from the carriage retired, 

Hieronimus for his watch looked round, 
That too had retired and was not to be found. 

14. This fecond trick of fatal termination 
Was to Hieronimus a great aggravation, 

For he came to the conclufion that she who left 
So fuddenly muft have committed the theft. 

1 5. Meanwhile nothing was left the good ftudent 
But to exercife patience and be more prudent, 

In mort he determined, come what might, 
To practise in future more forefight. 

1 6. He therefore formed a firm determination, 

So foon as he mould come to the place of education, 
A letter to his parents to fend, 
For a new watch and fome money to fpend. 

17. At laft without further moleftation 

He arrived at the place of his deftination, 
Behold therefore our Hieronimus 
Henceforward an Academicus. 


Stanza 3. Luck muft be pronounced in a certain provin- 
cial Englifli ftyle, to rhyme with peruke. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 



Honu Hieronimus at the Univerfity did diligently ßudy 

TT IERONIMUS on his arrival, without hefitation, 
Received, ftante pede, his matriculation, 
And fo became immediately 
A ftudiofus of theology. 

a. At univerfities, from all points of the compafs, 
Some to get knowledge and fome to raife a rumpus, 
Great numbers of ftudents together are flung, 
Large and little and old and young. 

3. And fo at this one from every nation 
Were many in fearch of an education, 

And many new ones came every year 
To profecute various ftudies here. 

4. Exempli gratid, law and theology, 
Philofophy, medicine and cofmology, 

And whatfoever other fine arts 

Are needed to help them act well their parts. 

5. But moft of them, inftead of pondering 
Their ftudies, fet themfelves to fquandering 

Their money, fared fumptuoufly every day 
And threw their precious time away. 


The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

6 Hieronymus who liked ftudy no better than others, 
Soon joined himfelf to the merry brothers, 
And very mortly made it appear 
As if he had long been familiar here. 

7. For he daily lived in Floribus 
As well as the beft academicus, 

And many a precious night he fpent 

In carroufing and boufing to his heart's content. 

8. Wine, beer and tobacco were his infpiration, 
And they gave his voice a fine inflation, 

When he with loud and mighty clang 
The gaudeamus igitur fang. 

9. His fellows all who gathered round him 
The model of a faithful ftudent found him, 

He lived as a burfch of high renown 

And great was his fame through all the town. 

10. As to thofe three detefted creatures, 
Philiftines and Beadles and night-rogue-catchers, 

Hieronimus as a hero true 

Had often cudgelled them black and blue. 

11. Many a Pereat he againft them had vented, 
And with ludicrous tricks their peace tormented. 

And in thefe and various other ways 
As a renonvnifl acquired great praife. 

12. The fummer he fpent in racing and riding, 
And in winter was continually fleighing and Aiding, 

In Ihort Hieronimus felt himfelf free 
To indulge in all manner of luxury. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


13. Often he went on a pleafure pillage 
To one or another neighboring village, 

And moftly where he was likely to find 
Some fair one fociably inclined. 

14. To breaking windows nightly he was addicted, 
Many tricks on young foxes inflicted, 

Dice and cards and billiards played, 
And not much progrefs in learning made. 

15. In rows and riots he found great enjoyment, 
Sleeping in taverns was his daily employment, 

But twice in every month or fo, 

To college hall for a change would go. 

16. Whenever impatient duns came after 

Their money, they were fent off with laughter, 
Or elfe in counterfeit money were paid, 
And very angry and foolifli made. 

17. His books and clothes he'd fell to pawnbrokers 
And fpend the money with drinkers and fmokers, 

In Ihort there was none of his time could be 
Compared with him in deviltry. 

18. To be fure he was often fhut up in the Career, 
And there to the law was made to anfwer, 

And for his crimes on one occafion 
He barely efcaped the relegation. 

19. For three years long he had purfued this vocation, 
And often for money had made application 

To his parents, but his letters were worded fo 
That they never fufpected their fon was fuch a go. 


The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

20. That no one in this could poflibly be apter 

Than Hieronimus we fliall (how in the next chapter, 
Which gives of this queer correfpondence a tafte, 
And therefore now clofe the prefent in hafte. 


Stanza 7. In Floribus, equivalent to our " living in 

Stanza 8. " Let us then rejoice while our youth is bloom- 
ing !" 

Stanza II. Per eat ! is the oppofite of VivatX 
Stanza 14. Foxes are frefhmen. 

Stanza 18. The Career is the college prison. Relegation 
is difmiflal. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 49 


Contains the copy of a letter ; which, among many others, 
the ßudent Hieronimus did write to his parents 

"P\EAR and Honored Parents, 
I lately 

Have fuffered for want of money greatly j 
Have the goodnefs, then, to fend without fail 
A trifle or two by return of mail. 

The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

I want about twenty or thirty ducats j 
For I have not at prefent a cent in my pockets j 
Things are fo tight with us this way, 
Send me the money at once, I pray. 

And everything is growing higher, 
Lodging and warning and lights and fire, 
And incidental expenfes every day — 
Send me the ducats without delay. 

You can hardly conceive the enormous expenfes 
The college impofes, on all pretences, 

For text-books and lectures fo much to pay — 
I wifh the ducats were on their way ! 

I devote to my ftudies unremitting attention — 
One thing I muft not forget to mention : 
The thirty ducats — pray fend them ftraight 
For my purfe is in a beggarly ftate. 

Boots and fhoes, and ftockings and breeches, 
Tailoring, warning, and extra ftitches, 

Pen, ink and paper, are all fo dear ! 

I wifh the thirty ducats were here ! 

The money — (I truft you will fpeedily fend it !) 

I promise faithfully to fpend it ; 

Yes, dear parents, you never need fear, 
I live very ftriclly and frugally here. 

When other ftudents revel and riot, 

I fteal away into perfect quiet, 

And fhut myfelf up with my books and light 
In my ftudy-chamber till late at night. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 

Beyond the needful fupply of my table, 
I fpare, dear parents, all I am able ; 

Take tea but rarely, and nothing more, 
For fpending money afflicts me fore. 

Other ftudents, who'd fain be called mellow, 
Set me down for a niggardly fellow, 

And fay : there goes the dig, juft look ! 

How like a parfon he eyes his book ! 

With jibes and jokes they daily befct me, 
But none of thefe things do I fuffer to fret me 5 

I fmile at all they can do or fay — 

Don't forget the ducats, I pray ! 

Ten hours each day I fpend at the college, 
Drinking at the fount of knowledge, 

And when the Lectures come to an end, 
The reft in private ftudy I fpend. 

The Profeflbrs exprefs great gratification, 
Only they hope I will ufe moderation, 

And not wear out in my ftudiis 

Philofophicis et theologicis. 

It would favor, dear parents, of self-laudation, 

To enter on an enumeration 

Of all my ftudies — in brief, there is none 
More exemplary than your dear fon. 

My head feems ready to burft afunder, 
Sometimes, with its learned load, and I wonder 
Where fo much knowledge is packed away : 
(Apropos ! don't forget the ducats, I pray !) 

2 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

6. Yes, deareft parents, my devotion to ftudy 
Confumes the beft ftrength of mind and body, 

And generally even the night is fpent 
In meditation deep and intent. 

7. In the pulpit foon I mall take my ftation, 
And try my hand at the preacher's vocation, 

Likewife I difpute in the college-hall 
On learned fubjects with one and all. 

8. But don't forget to fend me the ducats, 

For I long fo much to replenifh my pockets ; 
The money, one day fhall be returned 
In the fhape of a fon right wife and learn'd. 

9. Then my Fr'vvatißimum (I've been thinking on it 
For a long time — and in fact begun it) 

Will coft me twenty Rix-dollars more, 

Pleafe fend with the ducats I mentioned before. 

0. I alfo, dear parents, inform you fadly, 

I have torn my coat of late, very badly, 
So pleafe enclofe with the reft in your note 
Twelve dollars to purchafe a new coat. 

1. New boots are alfo neceflary, 
Likewife my night-gown is ragged, very j 

My hat and pantaloons, too, alas ! 

And the reft of my clothes are going to grafs. 

2. Now, as all thefe things are needed greatly, 
Pleafe enclofe me four Louis d'ors feparately, 

Which, joined to the reft, perhaps will be 
Enough for the prefent emergency. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 53 

23. My recent ficlcnefs you may not have heard of, 
In fact, for fome time, my life was defpaired of, 

But I hafte to aflure you, on my word, 
That now my health is nearly reftored. 

24. The Medicus, for fervices rendered, 

A bill of eighteen guilders has tendered, 
And then the apothecary's will be, 
In round numbers, about twenty-three. 

25. Now that phyfician and apothecary 
May get their dues, it is neceflary 

Thefe forty-one guilders be added to the reft, 
But, as to my health, don't be diftrefled. 

26. The nurfe would alfo have fome compenfation, 
Who attended me in my critical fituation, 

I, therefore, think it would be beft 

To enclofe feven guilders for her with the reft. 

27. For citrons, jellies and things of that nature, 
To fuftain and ftrengthen the feeble creature, 

The confe&ioner, too, has a fmall account, 
Eight guilders is about the amount. 

28. Thefe various items, of which I've made mention, 
Demand immediate attention ; 

For order, to me, is very dear, 

And I carefully from debts keep clear. 

29. I alfo rely on your kind attention, 

To forward the ducats of which I made mention 
So foon as it can pofllbly be — 
One more fmall item occurs to me : — 


5 + 

The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

30. Two weeks ago I unluckily ftumbled, 

And down the length of the ftairway tumbled, 
As in at the college door I went, 
Whereby my right arm almoft double was bent. 

31. The Chirurgus who attended on the occafion, 
For his balfams, plafters and preparation 

Of fpirits, and other things needlefs to name, 
Charges 12 dollars j pleafe forward the fame. 

32. But, that your minds may be acquiefcent, 
I am, thank God, now convalefcent ; 

Both moulder and fhin are in a very good way, 
And I go to lecture every day. 

33. My ftomach is ftill in a feeble condition, 

A ciicnmftance owing, fo thinks the phyfician, 
To fitting fo much, when I read and write, 
And ftudying fo long and fo late at night. 

34. He, therefore, earneftly advifes 
Burgundy wine, with nutmeg and fpices, 

And every morning, inftead of tea, 

For the ftomach's fake to drink fangaree. 

35. Pleafe fend, agreeably to thefe advices, 
Two piftoles for the wine and fpices, 

And be fure, dear parents, I only take 
Such things as thefe for the ftomach's fake. 

36. Finally, a few fmall debts, amounting 

To thirty or forty guilders (loofe counting), 
Be pleafed, in your letter, without fail, 
Dear parents, to enclofe this bagatelle. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


37. And could you, for fundries, fend me twenty 
Or a dozen Louis d'or (that would be plenty), 

'T would be a kindnefs feafonably done, 
And very acceptable to your fon. 

38. This letter, dear parents, comes hoping to find you 
In ufual health — I beg to remind you 

How much I am for money perplexed, 
Pleafe, therefore, to remit in your next. 

39. Herewith I clofe my letter, repeating 
To you and all my friendly greeting, 

And fubfcribe myfelf, without further fufs, 
Your obedient fon, 


40. I add in a poftfcript what I neglected 
To fay, beloved and highly refpected 

Parents, I beg moft filially, 
That you'll forward the money as foon as may be. 

41. For I had, dear father (I fay it weeping), 
Fourteen French Crowns laid by in fafe keeping 

(As I thought) for a day of need — but the whole 
An anonymous perfon yefterday ftole. 

42. I know you'll make good, unafked, each milling, 
Your innocent fon has loft by this villain ; 

For a man fo confiderate muft be aware 
That I fuch a lofs can nowife bear. 

56 The Life, Opinions y Actions and Fate 

43. Meanwhile I'll take care that, to-day or to-morrow, 
Mifter Anonymous mail, to his forrow 
And your fatisfaction, receive the reward 
Of his gracelefs trick with the hempen cord. 


Stanza 19. In college, purfuing an extra ftudy with fome 
Tutor is called taking a private ; of courfe a pri-vatißmum 
would be a very private courfe. See " College Words and 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate, 57 


Here follows a copy of the written reply of old Senator 
Jobs to the foregoing letter. 

f~\LD Senator Jobs's anfwer ('verbatim, 
Literatim atque punctatim) 
In form and manner as follows would run : 
Dearly beloved and hopeful fon! 

2. I am very happy to fee, by thy letter, 

That thy health and profpects are daily better, 
Neverthelefs it caufes me pain, 
That thou makeft mention of money again. 

3. It is fcarce three months, O rareft of fcholars ! 
Since I fent thee a hundred and fifty dollars, 

I wonder, my fon, thou confidereft not 
Where in the world fo much cam can be got. 

4. I alfo learn, with lively fatisfaction, 

That thou flndett in ftudy fuch great attraction, 
But it is with the higheft concern I fee 
That thou aflceft thirty ducats of me. 

5. Allow me, my fon, the obfervation, 
That, on the moft liberal computation, 

A univerfity refidence 

Cannot be, with frugality, fuch an expenfe. 

58 The Life, Opinion?, Actions and Fate 

6. Moft truly thou art right in faying 

That lectures and books are not had without paying, 
But it muft take a great many to come 
To fuch an enormons, unheard-of fum. 

7. For lodging and warning and lights and fire 
One cannot pofTibly require 

So much, and for paper and pens and ink 

A very few pence would fufHce, I mould think. 

8. I alfo perceive with gratification 

That thou keepeft thyfelf from the contamination 
Of evil companions, efpecially by night, 
Thy books and chamber thy fole delight. 

9. Likewise I am greatly pleafed with thy drinking 
Nothing but tea, — but I can't help thinking : 

To one who pores over his books and drinks tea, 
What ufe can thefe thirty ducats be? 

10. That other ftudents for a niggard abufe thee 
May very properly amufe thee, 

For he who fpends all that thou haft figured, 
Deferves to be called anything but a niggard. 

11. Let me advife thee to continue the attention 
To thy ftudies of which thou makeft mention, 

That thy precious time and thy money, both, 
May be wifely fpent and not wafted in (loth. 

12. But mind, my fon, the advice of the phyfician, 
And beware of even a laudable ambition, 

For alas ! too often we find it a rule 
That the greateft fcholar's the greateft fool. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


13. Thy purpose of preaching deferves commendation, 
Be diligent, therefore, in thy preparation, 

But from much difputation, when all is done, 
Precious little wifdom comes out, my fon. 

14. The ufe of a Pri<vatissimum I can't conjecture, 
When one is already ten hours at lecture, 

And I comprehend it the lefs, as you fay, 
There are twenty Rixdollars to pay. 

15. But I waive all further commentary, 
For the money thou findeft neceflary 

In purfuing thy ftudies I gladly allow, 

And though it were three times as much as now. 

j 6. According to thy ftory (no doubt a true one), 
Thou haft torn thy coat, and need'ft a new one, 
Neverthelefs the cloth muft be fuperfine, 
To coft twelve dollars, or even nine. 

17. But he that will ftudy to be a paftor, 

Should not drefs fo much better than his Mafter, 
Therefore a fomewhat coarfer ftuff 
Would make thee a coat quite good enough. 

18. For other articles of wearing apparel 
About the four Louis d'or, I shan't quarrel, 

When night-gown, hat and trowfers wear out, 
New ones are necefTary without doubt. 

19. But if I muft make, for all this raiment, 
And fo forth, fpecial and feparate payment, 

What (hall become, Hieronimus dear, 
Of the thirty ducats, to me is not clear. 

6o The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

20. I received with much feeling the information 
Of thy recent critical fituation, 

But to tamper with phyfic to fuch an extent, 
I muft fay, my fon, is money mifpent. 

21. For I fcarce ever knew of the rule failing, 

With young folks efpecially, that when one is ailing, 
Nature does better when left to herfelf, 
Than the beft mixture on the apothecary's fhelf. 

22. The expenfe of the Doctor and his preparation 
Seems to me little lefs than an abomination, 

And I very ferioufly queftion : 

Can an apothecary or a Doctor be a Chriftian ? 

23. And as to the nurfe's compenfation 

Who attended you in your critical fituation, 
'Twould have been enough if thou hadft given 
A fingle guilder inftead of feven. 

24. Unlefs me had previoufly mown thee attention 
Of another description which thou dolt not mention, 

For this, dear fon, I am forced to infer, 
From thy paying feven guilders to her. 

25. And then the confectitfner's bill of eight guilders — 
My fon, my fon ! it almoft bewilders 

Thy father's brain !— if thou hadft been wife, 
A dollar at moft would now fuffice. 

26. For citrons, confits, and things of that nature, 
Adminifter no ftrength to the feeble creature, 

But oatmeal gruel and barley drinks 
Are better, far, for the fick, methinks. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 61 

27. To fall down ftairs is highly injurious, 
See to it next time thou art not fo furious 

To get to thy ftudies, but take more care, 
For it cofts a great deal fuch damage to repair. 

28. Thy furgeon has taken thee in completely, 
For our town-barber, who works fo neatly, 

Will, for twelve dollars, I'm told, reftore 
A broken leg as whole as before. 

29. But I'm happy to hear of thy reftoration, 
For when the parfon is in his peroration, 

His arm rauft be in a flexible ftate, 
That fo he may pound and gefticulate. 

1,0. I muft further lament thy ftomach's weaknefs 
Occafioned by thy recent ficknefsj 

My ftomach, I'm forry to fay, is feeble 
From fitting fo much at the Council-table. 

31. Neverthelefs my earned advice is : 
Abftain from Burgundy wine and fpices ; 

A bit of flag-root now and then 
Will help thy ftomach as much again. 

32. Thou mentioneft " fome fmall debts, amounting 
To thirty or forty guilders, (loofe counting);" 

I've thought and thought and racked my brain 
To guefs what debts thofe can be, but in vain. 

33. Thou haft given already in fpecification, 
Item by item (outfide calculation), 

And forty guilders, thou knoweft full well, 
Upon my foul are no " bagatelle ! " 

6z The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

34. And finally thou needeft (for fuch thy pretence is), 
A dozen Piftoles for thy general expenfes ; 

No doubt it were very agreeable to thee, 
But to me inconvenient in the higheft degree. 

35. For as to any unexpected urgency 

Thofe thirty ducats will meet the emergency, 
Thefe laft dozen Louis d'or feem to me, 
In that view, a mere fuperfluity. 

36. And as to the ftolen crowns, thy fuggeftion, 
In point of delicacy, admits of a queftion, 

For truly the reparation were forer to me 
Than the alleged robbery is to thee. 

37. But, from this difagreeable fubjecl: to pafs on, 
Thy propofal to firing the thief up fans facon 

Is by no means a Chriftian fentiment ; 
Mr. Anonymous may one day repent. 

38. Befides, 'tis a matter of congratulation 
In thefe our days of illumination, 

I fay it confidentially in thy ear, 
Holy juftice has grown lefs fevere. 

39. No one who chances a drawer to rifle, 

Need mount the double ladder for fuch a trifle, 
At leaft, in our wife Schildburg they fay, 
Far greater rogues go clear every day. 

40. When thou in future haft money in keeping, 

I advife thee to guard it with vigilance unfleeping, 
For nothing is fo univerfal a fubjecl: of fpeculation 
As money depofited for preservation. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 63 

41. I and thy mother underftand the thing better, 
Learn wifdom, therefore, from this prefent letter 

We always lock our cam up tight 

And anxioufly watch it by day and night. 

42. But to appeafe thy prefent defire, 

And fupply what immediate wants require, 
Be pleafed hereby the moneys to find 
In a fealed linen bag, each feparate kind. 

43. Neverthelefs, I muft hint to thee, Hieronimus, 
That the times we live in are rather ominous, 

And it cofts me many an anxious thought 
Where fo much money can ever be got. 

44. There's a very fmall trifle of bufinefs doing, 
Folks are fo poor — fcarce anything brewing 

In the honorable Council, and fo 
My incomes, you fee, are very low. 

45. I fliall, therefore, await with pleafed expectation, 
The day of thy final graduation, 

Efpecially as, by this time, without doubt, 
Thou haft in every branch learned out. 

46. For if thou fhould'ft longer ftay and ftudy 
As diligently and dearly as thou haft already, 

I fhall grow as poor as Job was once, 
Utterly unable to raife any more funds. 

47. We all defire to welcome, greatly, 
Our learned fon in a ftyle right ftately, 

Efpecially thy mother with joy 

Looks forward to the return of her boy. 

64 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

48. I wim I had fome news to write you, 
But things are moftly in quo fit&\ 

I go as ufual, early and late, 

To the Council-room to deliberate. 

49. There we have had in confideration, 
In plenOy many an alteration, 

Whereby our police affairs may be 
Adminiftered judicioufly. 

50. Thy mother's teeth have troubled her greatly, 
But a diftinguifhed furgeon, lately, 

From foreign parts, came along one day, 
And took the troublefome teeth away. 

51. A perfon is paying attention to your filter 
Gertrude, his name and title is Mifter 

Procurator Geier, 'tis well under way, 
And Trudy grows taller every day. 

52. Our old parfon is always ailing, 

They think his health is decidedly failing, 
If this excellent man mould be taken away, 
Thou mighteft be our Parfon one day. 

53. Our wealthy neighbor's daughter Betty 
Sends hearty greetings— the girl is pretty, 

And neat and tidy, and would be 
A nice little parfon's wife for thee. 

54. Thy brothers and fifters all fend their greeting 
In the joyful hope of a fpeedy meeting, 

They are glad to hear of thy health and fuccefs, 
And, with wifhes for thy happinefs, 

Of Hieronimus Jobs> the Candidate. 65 

55. I remain, 

Thy father (in courfe of natur), 
Hans Jobs, pro tempore Senater. 

P. S. Write again at an early day, 
But fpare thy allufions to money, I pray. 


Stanza 40. Does not the laft couplet feem almoft pro- 
phetic ? 

Stanza 43. N. B. — The rhyme in the firft couplet is 
ftrictly copy-righted. 

Stanza 48. The fecond line (hows old Jobs a rare Latinift. 

Stanza 49. In pleno — or, as we might fay, " in Com- 
mittee of the Whole." 


The Life, Opinions, Actions and Tate 


Hoiv Hieronimus finißied his fludies, and honv he 
journeyed home, and how it Hood nvitb bis learning; 
neatly reprefented in the prefent engraving. 

OINCE, now, one cannot forever tarry 
At univerfities, it became neceflary 

That after a fpace of three years had flown 
Hieronimus mould prepare to go home. 

2. As his time of ftudy had now fully expired 

And his prefence at home was very much defired, 
Immediately he fet about 
Doing all that was needed to fit himfelf out. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 67 

3. His luggage required but a fhort time to pack it 
For faving boots, fword, waiftcoat and jacket, 

And whatever elfe on his body was feen, 
There was no other article, dirty or clean. 

4. For books there was no need of aflcing about them, 
He could get along very well without them, 

And except a Tingle fermon alone 
Not the leaft fcripture did he own. 

5. A friend had given him this as a prefent, 

And taught him to repeat it by labour inceflant, 
That fo, whenever an occafion tranfpired, 
He might preach eafily at home if defired. 

6. He thought with no little trepidation 

Of prefenting himfelf to his parents in this fltuation, 
For if in this manner he mould appear, 
The ftate of the cafe would at once be clear. 

7. At laft he concluded, that when they began to 
Inquire about his purfe and portmanteau, 

He would make believe that fomebody ftole, 
On his journey home, the whole. 

8. Alfo fome fighs would ftart, quite ominous, 
How will it fare with thee, poor Hieronimus ! 

When thou an examination (halt undergo, 
And mow how much thou doft not know ? 

9. Verily he was filled with remorfe and vexation 
So that he almoft med tears on the occafion, 

To think that for fo much time and coft 
He had fo little learning to boaft. 

68 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

10. But all his maneuvering, contriving and inventing, 
Wifliing and fighing and groaning and grunting, 
Brought him no fort of peace at all, 
For the time was gone beyond recall. 

ix. Therefore, by way of alleviation, 
He fent out formaliter an invitation 
To his friends at the univerfity, 
And gave them a valedictory fpree. 

12. Here then, once more, was a regular rollicking, 
Drinking and fmoking and finging and frolicking, 

'Till at laft the difmal morning breaks, 
And Hieronimus his farewell takes. 

13. Right heavily now his heart was fhaken 
And bitter grief did the parting awaken, 

Yes, he really boohooM right out 

In the arms of the friends that crowded about. 

14. Before, however, his final clearance, 

At the Profeflbr's he made his appearance, 
Who gave him, for the ready money, 
An academic teftimony. 

15. It was not indeed quite creditable, 

But Hieronimus, who to read it was unable, 
(For it was written in Latin and Greek) 
Into his bag the paper did ftick. 

16. We leave him, therefore, his journey purfuing 
Homeward, the reader meanwhile may be viewing, 

Prefixed to this chapter, a copper-plate 
That mows, as to learning, his real ftate. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 69 


Hoiv Hieronimus, booted and /purred, returns to his 

f^\NE day when old Senator Jobs, after dinner, 
^^^(For fuch was his accuftomed manner,) 

With pipe in mouth, leaned back his head 
In the eafy-chair and his newfpaper read j 

2. And meanwhile, Mrs. Jobs was making a pother 
In the kitchen, about fomething or other, 
And nobody dreaming of any harm, 
All on a fudden there rofe an alarm 5 


The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

3. For a ftately rider, booted and fpurry, 
Came riding up the ftreet in a hurry, 

And ftraight at the houfe they heard, flam-bang, 
Somebody difmount with a terrible clang. 

4. Like a knell in the family's ears it founded, 
Old Jobs let fall his paper, aftounded, 

And the pipe itfelf came near to break 5 
And Mrs. Jobs was too frightened to fpeak. 

5. But foon from this panic in which they were taken, 
The rider did their fenfes 'waken, 

As, in full traveling coftume, 

He came at once right into the room. 

6. The old folks apparently neither of them knew him, 
But he kept quiet and let them view him, 

Till at laft the old man jumped from his chair 
To fee his dear Hieronimus there. 

7. I have not the qualifications in any meafure, 
To fing the exceeding and mighty pleafure 

Of the good old Senator at feeing his boy, 
He almoft went out of his head for joy. 

8. The mother too, could hardly contain herfelf, 
Nor from kifling his hands and feetreftrain herfelf, 

As foon as (he faw that it muft needs be 
Hieronimus, and none but he. 

9. They almoft cried, in the overmeafure 

Of their very great and diftrefling pleafure, 

And the Welcome home ! and the God be p railed ! 
Held on till a ftranger had been half-crazed. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 71 

10. And Senator Jobs's remaining children 

Were alfo at hand, till it became quite bewildering 
They all of them feemed in a perfect bother, 
For not a foul of them knew their brother. 

11. 'Twas really exceeding curious 

To hear what the children made of Hieronimus : 
One held him to be a diftinguifhed gueft 
Who had juft arrived from the Eaft or Weft ; 

12. Another, on account of his fword and his danger- 
ous drefs and equipment, confidered the ftranger 

As one who bags up children fmall j 

This thought did the youngeft particularly appal. 

13. But very funny was it with Efther, 
Our Hieronimus's youngeft fifter, 

For (he kept up a continual clack 

About her ftrange uncle from Gengenbach. 

14. In the three years he had fpent at college, 

His perfon had quite outgrown their knowledge, 
His belly had waxed exceeding thick 
And there was a deal of hair on chin and cheek. 

15. It was not, therefore, a matter of wonder 
That they at firft mould make fuch a blunder, 

Efpecially as his ftudent-drefs 

Made it difficult, who he was, to guefs. 

16. A very tall hat with a very tall feather, 
Breeches and waiftcoat of yellow buck's leather, 

With a fhort cravat of fome gray ftuff, 
Difguifed Hieronimus well enough. 

7 2 

The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

17. Add to this a mighty great fword, fufpended 
From his left fide, with which he defended 

His perfon from any fudden attack, 
Fit alike for a thruft or a thwack. 

18. And then his look, fo martial and bloody, 
That feemed to threaten death to everybody j 

His hair hanging down in great mafles too, 
And behind, a great pig-tail of a queue. 

19. Thefe and other arrangements I might mention, 
Soon attracted his father's attention, 

For a fimple decorous black drefs 

Would better have fuited his parents, I guefs. 

20. Nor did Hieronimus's general behaviour 
Recommend him to old father Jobs's favour, 

Efpecially when he Hieronimus heard 
Venting curfes at every word. 

21. He gave him, therefore, to underftand clearly 
That he rauft alter all this entirely, 

For furely a young Theologus 

Muft never be heard to fwear and cufs. 

22. When a few moments after he aflced for the coffer, 
Hieronimus did the information proffer, 

And fwore to it moft luftily : 

It was ftolen from the poftwagon, faid he. 

23. This difagreeable information 
Threw the father into great agitation, 

And he would immediately have begun 
To fcold, but the mother excufed her fon j 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 73 

»4. Sne ftepped between Hieronimus and his father, 
Saying, 'tis furely the misfortune rather 
Than any fault of our dear fon $ 
So the old man fubmitted and was mum. 

25. Meanwhile the neighbours were rapidly learning 
The news of Hieronimus's returning, 

From houfe to houfe the rumour flew 

'Till it was known the whole town through. 

26. It feemed a weighty public matter, 

It kept the ftreets in a conftant clatter, 
And at every cafual neighborly meeting 
" Hieronimus is here" was the very firft greeting. 

27. In univerfal congratulation, 
At Senator Jobs's habitation, 

The reft of the remaining day did wag 
And nothing more was thought of the bag. 

28. Hieronimus feafted away quite cheery, 

For his journey had made him faint and weary, 
And he fmoked till he emptied, as I can vouch, 
His daddy's great tobacco pouch. 


In the wood-cut that heads this Chapter, the object on 
the left refembling a fcrew, as if to draw the rider along by 
an invifible wire, is prelumed to be no more nor lefs than a 
mile-ftone. The reader will pleafe not let it difturb his 



The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 


Ho<w Hieronimus noiv began to be clerical, and ho<w he 
got a black drefs and a peruke, and how he preached 
for the firfl time in the pulpit, &c. 

I A HE day after that to which we've been referring, 
When all in the houfe were up and ftirring, 
And round the breakfaft table they fat, 
Sipping their coffee in focial chat, 

2. The father began to call attention 

As follows : Dear Son, it is proper to mention, 
That thy ftyle of raiment hitherto 
Will for the future hardly do. 

3. And firft and foremoft mult thou haften 
That terrible fword from thy fide to unfaften, 

Becaufe a fervant of the Lord 

Don't never fight except with the word. 

4. Likewife the gray collar and waiftcoat of leather 
And breeches and boots muft be laid afide altogether, 

As alfo the mighty feather hat, 

For no clergyman is allowed to wear that. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


5. For if this rig mould be feen by any body, 
They would certainly cry out, "O Luddyl 

We've furely got a cuiralTier, 
Inftead of our future parfon, here." 

6. Know alfo that a round peruke is fitter 
For a clerical head and looks much better, 

And a great deal more refpectable, too, 
Than ropy hair and a pig-tail queue ! 

7. It is therefore thy father's pleafure 

That the tailor mould come and take thy meafure, 
That he may make thee this very day 
A fuit of black without delay. 

8. The peruke-maker has alfo had warning, 
To come, if you pleafe, this very morning, 

To make thee a wig that thou mayft wear 
Over thy frowzy head of hair. 

9. It will make thee look refpectable, very, 
But it is alfo neceffary 

That thou lhouldft leave off fwearing to-day 
And endeavour to live in a clerical way. 

10. Hieronimus liftened, reluctantly rather, 
To the rational counfel of his father, 

But concluded to fulfil the delire 
Of his grave and venerable fire. 

11. Behold him, therefore, ere the day had expired, 
In full black drefs and peruke attired, 

He was alfo in a white cravat arrayed 
By his mother's manu propria made. 

76 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

iz. Thus clerically fitted out, he communicated 
To his parents that he meditated, 
God willing, in this livery 
To preach next Sunday publicly. 

13. On the Sunday following Hieron'mus 

Did really preach in purfuance of his promife, 
And without fpecial obftacle 
Got through his fermon very well. 

14. For as we above, Chapter XVI., made mention, 
A friend had politely ftiown him the attention 

Of writing for him a fermon, which he 
Could now deliver conveniently. 

15. 'Twas an excellent piece of compofition, 
Choke full of wifdom and erudition, 

And fmelt fo of the ftudy fhelf 

That Hieronimus did'nt underftand it himfelf. 

16. His external appearance was likewife fplendid, 
His arms and hands he mightily extended, 

And his tenor voice fo ftrong and clear 
Went ftately into the public ear. 

17. His fermon was heard by many hundred, 
Who all at his talent greatly wondered, 

They nodded their heads and the whifper ran 
Through all the houfe : " What a wonderful man ! 

18. " Who on earth would have ever fufpected 
That anything like this could have been concocted 

Out of Jobs's dull Hieronimus ? 
'Tis a perfect miracle to us ! ** 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 77 

19. Likewife there was not a Tingle relation 
Abfent from the congregation, 

And every one thought s " Our coufin Jobs 
Looks remarkably well in his clerical robes ! " 

20. But 'tis vain to attempt to defcribe the elation 
Of the two good parents on this occafion, 

There cannot be a doubt, thought they, 
He's the greateft orator of the day. 

ax. When divine fervice had come to a termination, 
They adjourned to partake of a great collation, 
Given in Senator Jobs's houfe, 
Where all the relations went to caroufe. 

22. And while the dinner they were eating, 
Hieronimus' praife they were conftantly repeating, 

And many a great glafs of wine 

Was drunk to the health of our young divine. 

23. The whole aflembly was alfo unanimous 
That, under exifting circumftances, Hieronimus, 

Who to-day had preached fo brilliantly 
Before the prefent company, 

24. Muft certainly next make bold to venture 
His name as candidate to enter, 

That fo, in optima forma he 
Should Candidatus Minifterii be. 

25. 'Tis true, as a preliminary, 

An Examen would be neceflary, 

But the recent fpecimen mowed that he 
Would find therein no difficulty. 

78 The Life, Opinions f Actions and Fate 

26. Efpecially as the prefent incumbent was weakly, 
Old and infirm and fomewhat fickly, 

Hieronimus might without any offence 
Enter the vacant parifh at once. 

27. That is, in cafe, by the bleffing of heaven, 
The parfon mould go the way of all living, 

For his feeble conftitution gave place 

For fufpicion that this would be fhortlythe cafe. 

28. Hieronimus, overpowered by the folicitations 
And weighty reafons of his friends and relations, 

Gave, anxioufly enough, God knows, 
His confent to what they did propofe. 

29. For the reft, he emptied with great pleafure 
Of liquor many a brimming meafure, 

But when that Examen came into his head 
It ftruck his heart with a fort of dread. 

30. At laft his anxiety fought confolation 
In a regular fit of intoxication, 

Although old Jobs his difpleafure made known, 
By repeatedly making his head at his fon. 


Stanza 8. Frozvzy. This word is not frouzy, which has 
a different meaning. Our word is found only in an old Dic- 
tionary in the Jobs family. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate, 79 


How Hieronimus <was examined for a Candidate, and 
hoiu be made out. 

LI OWEVER he ftuck to his determination, 
And the clerify held a convocation, 

And every one came in his wig and robes 
To the examination of Hieronimus Jobs. 

2. But how he felt in view of his danger, 
Being to learning an utter ftranger, 

And what an anxious face he made, 

The reader will not comprehend, I'm afraid. 

3. The fcene is beyond my power of painting : 
If he ever in his life faw the hour for fainting, 

That hour at laft was approaching now 5 
Alas ! thou poor Hieronimus, thou ! 

4. Begin now, Mifs Mufe, an enumeration 

Of the clerical gentleman whom the examination 
Brought hither on the appointed day 
From every quarter of Swabia. 

8o The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

5. The firft, that was the Herr Infpeftor, 
In do&rine ftrong as a fecond He£tor, 

A ftately, pot-bellied man was he, 

Whom you faw at a glance an Infpeclor to be. 

6. This poft was accorded to his fingular merit, 
Its burdens he bore with a patient fpirit, 

And, to fay the truth, with a cheerful mood, 
And daily ate and drank what was good. 

7. And after him came the ghoflly Affejfor, 

A man whofe breadth was fomewhat lefTer, 

But height much greater: he was fpare of limb, 
And his difpofition exceedingly grim. 

8. He not only the fpiritual interefts defended, 
But to matters of economy alfo attended, 

And drank only bad wine and beer, 

For his income was fmall and his habit fevere. 

9. Then came Herr Krager, an oldifli man rather, 
Who was very well verfed in many a church father, 

And to prove a point could readily quote 
Whatever any one of 'em wrote. 

10. Next Herr Krifch, polite as a Caftilian, 
Who was, in Poftils, a perfect poftillion 5 

Pofted up in them as well as the beft 
Parfon the Swabian land poflelTed. 

11. Next Herr Beff, a Linguift of great reputation, 
And a tolerable chriftian in walk and converfation, 

In lecturing a terrible bore, 

But always Orthodox to the core. 

Of Hieron imus Jobs, the Candidate. 81 

12. Next Herr Schrei, a man of great notoriety 
Alike in the pulpit and in general fociety, 

Free and eafy — had no wife, 

And led with his cook an exemplary life. 

13. Next Herr Plötz, an angelic creature, 

In his youth of a fomewhat genial nature, 
But when to preach he once began 
He became a very pious man. 

14. He kept his beloved congregation 
From vice and evil communication, 

Faithful in feafon and out was he 

To admonifh, when he had opportunity. 

15. Next Herr Keffer, who never could tire 

In following his fheep through mud and mire, 
But alas ! in his flock, befide the lambs, 
Were likewife many ftifF-necked old rams. 

16. Sometimes, to get them to follow his leadings, 
He inftituted legal proceedings, 

For he underftood the jura of the ftate 
As well as the very beft advocate. 

17. Befides thofe named in the above enumeration, 
Other clerical gentlemen attended the examination, 

Whom I neither need nor can 
Particularly defignate man by man. 

18. Now when the reverend and ghoftly faces 
Had all come together in their places, 

Praemiflis prasmittendis, they 
Round a great table fate ftraightway. 

82 'the Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

19. With trembling and quaking came Hieronimus 
Before this aflembly of white bands fo ominous, 
And fcraped a greeting fubmiflively, 
Oh, woe, Hieronimus ! woe on thee ! 

ao. Firft and formoft inquired the Examinatores 
About his previous manners and mores, 
And prefently aflced him whether he 
Had a certificate from the univerfity ? 

21. Hieronimus, without hefitation, 
Handed the infpector the atteftation, 

Who read the fame immediately : 
Alas ! Hieronimus, woe on thee! 

22. 'Tis true, the document was worded, 
In Latin and Greek, as above recorded, 

And confequently not eafy to read, 
But unfortunately, as ill luck decreed, 

23. The Infpe£tor made out, in a free tranflation 
To give a fubftantial interpretation, 

For no other clergyman in the hall 
Dared undertake the tafk at all. 

24. To leave no breach in this narration, 

I will now give the reader full information, 
What Hieronimus' certificate, 
Word for word, did properly ftate. 

25. Firft the name and title of the ProfefTors, 
And then in larger hand, the letters 

L. B. S., and the meaning of them 
Was Leftori Benevolo Salutem! 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


26. " Forafmuch as Herr Hieronimus Jobsius 
As Theologiae Studiofus, 

During three years' and fome weeks' fpace 
Had his refidence in this place, — 

27. "And the fame now has it in contemplation 
To take his leave, and has made application 

For a written certificate to me, 
A ftep of great propriety, — 

28. " I could not refufe his reafonable defires, 
But give hereby the atteft he requires, 

That the fame did every quarter of a year 
Once at my leclure-room appear. 

29. " Whether the reft was devoted to ftudy 
Himfelf knows better than anybody, 

For I in this official report 

AfTert and teftify nothing of the fort. 

30. " And as to general behaviour, 

There is not much to be faid in his favour , 
Entire filence on that point would be 
The part of chriftian charity. 

31. "For the reft I have only to fay, God fpeed him 
On his journey home, and may heaven lead him, 

When all thefe earthly troubles are paft, 
To the place where he belongs at laft ! ' 

32. How the eyes of the learned body diftended 
When the reading of this document ended, 

And that Herr Hieronimus did not laugh 
The reader can imagine readily enough. 


The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

33. However on all hands it feemed better 
For this once to overlook the matter, 

And for charity's fake to find all the good 
In the teftimonial that they could. 

34. For the gentlemen wifely recollected 

How many of their tricks had not been detected, 
And how if they had, it had fared with them, 
And fo they proceeded at once ad rem. 

35. The Herr Infpector he led off, 
Clearing the way with a mighty cough, 

Repeated thrice, thrice did he ftroke 
His portly paunch and then he fpoke: 

36. " I, for the time pro tempore Infpe&or 
And of the clergy prefent Director, 

Afk you : Quid fit Epifcopus ? n 
Straightway replied Hieronimus : 

37. " A Bifhop is, as I conjecture, 
An altogether agreeable mixture 

Of fugar, pomegranate juice and red wine, 
And for warming and ftrengthening very fine.*' 

38. The Candidate Jobs this anfwer making, 
There followed of heads a general making! 

And firft the Infpe&or faid, hem ! hem ! 
Then the others fecundum ordinem. 

39. And now the AJefor began to inquire : 
" Herr Hieronimus ! tell me, I defire, 

Who the Apoflles may ha<ve been t" 
Hieronimus quick made anfwer again : 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


40. " Apoftles they call great jugs, I'm thinking, 
In which wine and beer are kept for drinking, 

In the villages, and from them oft 
By thirfty Burfches liquor is quaffed." 

41. The Candidate Jobs this anfwer making, 
There followed of heads a general making, 

And firft the Infpector faid, hem ! hem ! 
Then the others fecundum ordinem. 

42. Herr Krager now in his turn flood ready : 
And " if you pleafe, Herr Candidate,'' faid he, 

" Inform me ivho was St. Augußin .?" 
Hieronimus anfwered with open mien : 

43. " The only Auguftine of whom I've any knowledge 
Is the one I ufed to know at college, 

Auguftine, the beadle of the univerfity, 
Who often before the Proreclor cited me." 

44. The Candidate Jobs this anfwer making, 
There followed of heads a general making, 

And firft the Infpeflor faid hem ! hem ! 
Then the others fecundum ordinem. 

45. Now followed Herr Krifch at once and requefted 
To know " of how many parts a fermon conßßed, 

In other words, how many di<vißons muß there be, 
When it is written ruleably .?" faid he. 

46. Hieronimus having taken a moment to determine, 
Replied j " There are two parts to every fermon : 

The one of thefe two parts no man 
Can underftand, but the other he can." 


86 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

47. The Candidate Jobs this anfwer making, 
There followed of heads a general making, 

And firft the Infpe&or faid hem ! hem ! 
Then the others fecundum ordinem. 

48. Herr Beff the Linguift continued the examination, 
And defired of Herr Hieronimus information : 

" What the Hebrew Kibbutz might be t* 
Hieronimus's anfwer was fomewhat free : 

49. " I find in a book to which I've paid attention, 
Sophia's tour from Memel to Saxony, mention, 

That lhe to the furly Kibbutz fell 
Becaufe lhe refufed the rich old fwell." 

50. The Candidate Jobs this anfwer making, 
There followed of heads a general making, 

And firft the Infpe&or faid hem ! hem ! 
Then the others fecundum ordinem. 

51. Next in turn it came to Herr Schreier, 
Who did of Hieronimus inquire, 

" Hqiv many clajfes of angels he 
Confidered there might properly be ?" 

52. Hieronimus anfwered, " He never pretended 
With all the angels to be acquainted, 

But there was one of them he knew 

On the Angel-Tavern fign, painted blue." 

53. The Candidate Jobs this anfwer making, 
There followed of heads a general making, 

And firft the Infpe&or faid hem ! hem 1 
And the others fecundum ordinem. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 87 

54. Herr Plötz proceeded with the interrogation : 

" Can you give, Herr Candidate, an enumeration 
Of the concilia acumenica /*" 
And Hieronimus anfwered ! " Sir, 

55. " When I at the univerfity did ftudy 
I was often cited before a body 

Called a council, but it never feemed to me 
To have anything to do with economy." 

56. The Candidate Jobs this anfwer making, 
There followed of heads a general making, 

And flrft the Infpeclor faid, hem ! hem ! 
Then the others fecundum ordinem. 

57. Then followed his fpiritual lordfhip, Herr Keffer, 
The queftion he ftarted feemed fomewhat tougher, 

It related " to the Manichean herefy 
And what their faith ivas originally" 

58. Anfwer: "Yes thefe fimple devils 
Did really think that without any cavils, 

Before my departure, I mould pay them off 
And in fact I did cudgel them foundly enough." 

59. The Candidate Jobs this anfwer making, 
There followed of heads a general making, 

And firft the Tnfpeftor said, hem! hem ! 
Then the others fecundum ordinem. 

60. The remaining queftions that received attention 
For want of room I omit to mention ; 

For otherwife the protocol 

Would exceed feven lheets, if given in full. 

88 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

61. For there were many queftions, dogmatical, 
Polemical and hermeneutical, 

To which Hieronimus made reply 
In the manner above, fucceflively. 

62. And likewife many queftions in philology 
And other fciences ending in ology, 

And whatever elfe to a clergyman may 
Be put on examination day. 

63. When the Candidate Jobs his anfwer was making, 
There would follow of heads a general making, 

And firft the Infpe6lor would fay hem ! hem ! 
Then the others, fecundum ordinem. 

64. Now when the examination had expired, 
Hieronimus by permiflion retired, 

That the cafe might be viewed on every fide, 
And the council carefully decide : 

65. If concience would advife the admiffion 
Of Hieronimus to the pofition 

And clafs of candidates for the 
Holy Gofpel miniftry. 

66. Immediately they proceeded to voting, 
But very foon, without much difputing, 

The meeting was unanimous 

That, under the circumftances, Hieronimus 

67. Would not perfift; in his application 
As a candidate for ordination, 

But for fpecial reafons they thought it beft 9 
To let the matter quietly reft. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


68. In fa6t for years it was kept fo private, 
No ftranger ever heard anything of it, 
But everybody early and late 
Held Hieronimus for a candidate. 


Stanza 48. Kibbutz is a corruption for the Hebrew letter 

Stanza 49. Kibbutz is alfo a name for the Owh 

Stanza 57. The German ftudents nickname their credi- 
tors Manichaam. 

90 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 


Hoiv the author fubmiß<vely begs pardon, that the former 
chapter nvas fo long, and hoiv he promifes that the 
prefent one ßall be fo much the ßorter ; a chapter of 
nvhich the rubric is longer than the chapter itfelf, and 
nvhich might be omitted without injuring the ßory. 

T HEARTILY beg the reader's pardon, 
The previous chapter was fuch a long and hard one, 
The prefent chapter, dear reader, fhall be 
So much the fhorter, I promife thee. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 91 


Hoiv Father Jobs the Senator did deliver Hieronimus a 
fermon of rebuke, and ho<w he dies of chagrin. 

HE reader mould have feen the confternation 

That rofe in Jobs's habitation, 

Becaufe the Examen did not tranfpire 
Entirely in accordance with the general defire. 

2. But what then did Hieronimus's father ? 

Dear reader ! pray afk me, what didn't he do rather ? 
He feized Hieronimus by the nape 
Of the neck, and faid to him, " Thou fcape- 

3. "grace! is't for this I fuch kindnefs have done thee 
And lavifhed whole handfulls of money upon thee, 

'Till I almoft myfelf a poor man became, 
To reap only mortification and lhame ? 

4. " Had'ft thou but ftudied with application 

And behaved in a manner worthy of approbation, 
Thou wouldft without doubt at this time be 
A Candidatus Minifterii. 

5. " And wouldft get a parifh foon and be famous ; 
But now thou art only an ignoramus, 

Who nothing of theology knows, 
And all his life long breadlefs goes. 

9* The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

6. " Thy mother and I were often exprefling 

Our hopes that thou wouldft be one day a blefling 
To our old age, but oh, what a cufs 
Thou haft proved, thou vile Hieronymus ! 

7. " All that thou ufedft to write of thy doing, 
How many ftudies thou waft purfuing, 

And that none in diligence equalled thee, — 
Was a pack of lies, as I now can fee. 

8. " And all that was faid of thy privatiflimo 
And about the ten hours in collegio, 

How kind the profeflbrs were to thee, 
And thy folitary drinking of tea j 

9. " Item, of all the various learning 

With which thy head was in danger of turning, 
And thy meditation late at night, 
And of other fimilar things a fight j 

10. "And about thy ftomach becoming fo feeble 
By bending over the ftudy table, 

The whole of it, as I now find, 
Was nothing at all but lies and wind. 

11. " Oh that I only had liftened in feafon 
To our good Rector's counfel and reafon, 

Who very clearly intimated to me, 

That nothing good could be made of thee. 

12. "Then had been fpared a vaft deal of money 
And many a good round patrimony, 

Which thou, good-for-nothing fcoundrel, I fay, 
At the univerfity haft tippled away !" 

Of Hterontmus Jobs, the Candidate. 


13. Such, as the fon flood trembling before him, 
Was the fermon with which old Jobs did fcore him, 

In fact his anger had rifen fo quick 
That at firft he came near ufing the flick. 

14. Meanwhile as fcolding and getting furious 
Is generally to health injurious, 

As might be imagined very well, 
The good old man into a fever fell. 

15. In his well days, when younger and tougher, 
Severe attacks of gout he would fufFer, 

His Counfellor's office, good living and ease 
Predifpofed him to this difeafe. 

16. But now all at once his pains forfook him, 
And in the heart the Podagra took him, 

And after four-and-twenty hours 

He emigrated from this world of ours. 

1 7. No end was there now to the grieving and groaning, 
The houfe all wringing their hands and moaning, 

And even Hieronimus's grief 
Hardly admitted any relief. 

18. The reader, I fear, would foon be yawning, 
If I mould defcribe thefe fcenes of mourning 

Any farther, I therefore ceafe 

And leave poor old Senator Jobs in peace. 

94 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 


Hoiv Hieronimus almofl became Tutor to a young Baron. 

A LTHOUGH a fortnight had now expired 
Since Senator Jobs to his reft retired, 
The thought of the widow Jobs ftill ran 
At times on her dear departed man. 

2. Hieronimus meanwhile took his fodder 
Up to this time at the houfe of his mother, 

And would gladly in fuch idlenefs 
Have parted his entire life, I guefs j 

3. Had he not received a propofition 

To look about for a change in condition, 
Whereby he might, in the time to come, 
Get his living more properly than at home. 

4. For it was all over with the expectation 
Of getting, as parfon, a fituation, 

So foon as this moft heinous dunce 

Had preached in each village his fermon once 

5. Since now many men of great importance 
Began as tutors to make their fortunes, 

It entered into Hieronimus's view 
That he would be tutor fomewhere, too. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


6. And fortune feemed not unpropitious 
To Hieronimus's wifhes, 

For about two months from that time or three 
He heard of a fine opportunity. 

7. For a neighboring nobleman, (here namelefs) 
Advertifed for a tutor of character blamelefs, 

Who for low board and 8 guilders mould come 
And teach the young baron, his only fon. 

8. Religion, morality, five kinds of languages 
Reading and writing and fuch like appendages, 

Philofophy, phyfic, geography, 
Arithmetic, hiftory, poetry. 

9. Drawing and dancing and riding and fencing 
And other accomplishments needlefs to mention, 

Thefe were the branches, every one 

To be taught for 8 guilders to the baron's fon. 

10. The Candidate Hieronimus was defired 
To call on his grace, who at once inquired, 
Whether the faid Hieronimus was the one 
Who for eight guilders would teach his fon ? 

XX. Hieronimus made anfwer : "Gracious 
" Sir, it is exceedingly vexatious 

To be a tutor, and eight guilders would be 
In my opinion quite a fmall fee j 

12. " However to do your grace a pleafure, 
I will at once fall in with the meafure, 
And fee forthwith what can be done, 
In the way of inftru£Hng the baron your fon." 

96 The Life, Opinions ; Actions and Fate 

13. And fo was completed the negotiation, 
When, contrary to all expectation, 

One little difficulty occurred, 
Which may be ftated in a word : 

14. Whether Hieronimus in the things defired, 
Could undergo the examination required, 

Which he would be obliged to teach every one, 
To the young baron, the nobleman's fon ? 

15. But it foon appeared indifputable, 
That Hieronimus was not able 

Himfelf, to underftand a Tingle one 

Of the things he was to teach the nobleman's fon. 

16. He therefore received a quiet difmiffion 

And jogged home again in an unpleafant condition 
Of mind, and vented his curfes upon 
The tutorfhip and the nobleman's fon. 

17. His grace now right and left inquired 
Whether another could poffibly be hired, 

Who' for the fum of eight guilders would come 
And teach the young baron, his only fon. 

18. Whether he has found it in his power 
To obtain fuch a perfon up to this hour 

For eight guilders, I never could learn, 

In fact it's a thing wherewith I've no concern. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 97 


How Hieronimus became domeßic scribe to an old gentle- 
man, who had a chambermaid, named Amelia ; and 
how he behaved himself well till the following chap- 

A MONG all the fundry and manifold ftatlons 
Of thofe who dwell in thefe earthly habitations, 
Without any doubt we may fafely call 
The widow's eftate the faddeft of all. 

2. When the man, as the head of the woman, is taken 
Away, the whole body appears forfaken 

By its natural prote&or quite, 

And nothing in the houfe goes right. 

3. The family is ftraitened and haraffed, 

The houfehold economy greatly embarafled, 
And all is care and forrow below 
And earth becomes a vale of woe. 

4. Poor Mrs. Jobs, alas ! was fated 
To experience the truth juft ftated, 

For all went crab-wife in the houfe 
And me became as poor as a church moufe. 


98 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

5. Of courfe Hieronimus made his contribution 
To the general Hock of deftitution, 

For he lived as gentlemen of leifure do, 
Ate well and drank ftill better, too. 

6. Meanwhile fuch housekeeping every hour 

To the worthy widow grew more and more four, 
And no one feature in it was wufs 
Than the board of Hieronimus. 

7. His own conviction grew daily ftronger, 
That things could not go on fo much longer, 

And he therefore began to look round 

To fee if another opportunity could not be found. 

8. As, now, in general, the rogues and the dunces 
Find in this world the very beft chances, 

It happened that an opening offered again 
For Hieronimus with a nobleman. 

9. This gentleman lived on his plantation 
In a quiet and retired fituation, 

And there, as a genteel cavalier 
Spent his large income with plaifir. 

10. He is mentioned, in his youth, as engaging 

In the feven years' war which then was waging, 
But he ftaid in garrifon moftly, it is fuppofed, 
And his perfon was very little expofed. 

11. But he was very glad when the war was over, 
Being of peace an exceeding lover, 

In fact, as a brave man and wife one, too, 
He anticipated it, and withdrew. 

Of Hteronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


12. And yet he loved to dwell on the ftory 

Of the battles that had covered him with glory, 
And how when once he had bravely fought 
In the retreat he was almoft caught. 

13. For the reft he was a man of fportive habits, 
Shot occafionally hares and rabbits, 

Drank at dinner Burgundy of his own, 
And lived without any wife alone. 

14. He was, in fo far, an old bachelor ; however 
He had in the place of a wife a clever 

Chambermaid, who early and late 
On his urgent neceffities did wait. 

15. He had gradually as he felt himfelf growing older, 
Slipped all care of bufinefs off his moulder, 

But he had of fervant men a pair 
Who of all things took faithful care. 

16. The one of them was a fly old foxy, 
Steward of the houfe and general proxy, 

And the other Mr. Servant, he 
Was one they called a fecretary. 

17. The fteward at the time of which we're fpeaking, 
Still lived and found in his office good picking, 

For he took good care of cheft and fhelf, 
Thought lefs of his mafter and more of himfelf. 

18. But the above mentioned fecretary 
They had had, fome days before, to bury, 

Becaufe he was dead, which caufed there to be 
In this weighty office a vacancy. 

ioo The Life, Opinions, Actions and Tate 

19. Nowthe fteward aforefaidhad long been acquainted 
With Hieronimus's parents, and therefore painted, 

As a true and accommodating man, 
Hieronimus in the beft colors he can. 

20. And very earneftly recommended him, 
And fhortly in perfonä prefented him 

To the damfel and the old gentleman, too, 
As the moft capable fecretary he knew. 

21. The chambermaid found his perfon quite ftriking, 
And took to him confiderable liking, 

She therefore promifed, faithful and true, 

To fpeak the beft word for him that fhe knew. 

22. The moment fhe faw him fhe liked him very 
Much better than the previous fecretary ; 

For Hieronimus was tall and ftrong, 
But his predeceffor was lean and long. 

23. Since now, the old gentleman, as we made mention, 
Honored the damfel with his principal attention, 

He with favour her application heard, 
And gave Hieronimus a nobleman's word. 

24. And further to fhow him the greater honour, 
He invited him the firft day to dinner, 

And then the old gent, when dinner was done, 
Said to him in a friendly tone : 

25. His duty would confift in attending 

To the live ftock and feeing what wanted mending, 
And whatever was to be written, he 
Would write as private fecretary. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


26. And if now this official duty 
Hieronimus did faithfully execute, he 

Would pay him, as a falary, 
Forty rix-dollars annually. 

27. " If you like thefe conditions (faid he,) you can tarry 
With me fub titulo houfe-fecretary, 

And I alfo promife you, if true, 
Many additional perquifites, too j 

28. " But never go hazing, now remember, 

With the damfel that takes charge of the chamber 
For fuch proceedings will bring you into difgrace, 
I tell you dryly to your face. 

29. "The late, deceafed houfe-fecretary, 

Was fond of damfels and young women very, 
And I was very much mortified to find 
That he to my maid was fecretly inclined. 

30. " I Ihould, therefore, at once have calhiered him 
And without ceremony cleared him 

Out, but I faw he was weak and dim, 
And fo overlooked the fault in him. 

31. " The girl, in truth, is fly and witty, 
But fomewhat deceitful, more's the pity, 

And indeed I have often fufpected that me 
Was given to all forts of monkery. 

32. "I accidentally fell in with her 

Five years ago, as we journeyed together ; 

I was pleafed with the manner of the jade, 

And fo I took her for my maid. 


102 The Life j Opinions •, Actions and Fate 

33. " For the reft, without a fingle queftion, 

You will hear now my concluding fuggeftion ; 
For I tell you finally once for all, 
Have nothing to do with Amelia at all ! " 

34. Hieronimus mull have been half-witted, 

Had he not on the conditions above fubmitted, 
Accepted very willingly 
The part of private fecretary. 

35. He therefore entered on his office right gaily, 
And faw to the cows and the fences daily, 

And many notes he daily took 

And wrote in the memorandum book. 

36. For example: packets that came by the ftages, 
Money paid out for servants' wages, 

The hares that were mot and the turkey cocks, 
And when they picked the old gentleman's locks. 

37. Or what the houfe advocate got for his pleadings, 
Or the judge obtained by extra proceedings, 

Or what amount at the market was paid 
For butter and cheefe in lawful trade. 

38. Or what Amelia's drefles coft to cut 'em, 
Or lengthen 'em out at the top and bottom, 

Or widen, 'em an inch and a-half, 
Or when the cow had had a calf. 

39. Or when the worthy damfel had needed 
On account of fever to be bleeded, 

Or a hen had laid an egg ; in fhort, 
All incomes and outgoes of every fort. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 103 

40. And where any letters needed inditing, 

The old gentleman, who was no hand at writing, 
Threw all upon Hieronimus, 
Who managed it all without any fufs. 

41. With the help of Talander he wrote them fafter 
And quicker by far than any fchoolmafter, 

(And fpent lefs time about them too) 
Than any fchoolmafter I ever knew. 

42. The reft of the time he fpent at his leifure, 
Ate and drank and flept at pleafure, 

So that he hoped he mould never give up, 
As long as he lived, this fecretaryfhip. 


Stanza 41. Talander was probably fome well-known 
author of a " Letter- writer." The original fimply mentions 
his Briefßellcr. 

104 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 


How curious things befel the Secretary Hieronimus, and 
he nvas driven aivay. 

TNDULGENT reader! our old forefathers 
Were furely not dunces above all others, 
Far oftener will it rather be found 
That they had notions both wife and found. 

2. And many a time we find them giving 
To us their pofterity rules of good living, 

And proverbs full of excellent ftuff, 
Which prove their wifdom plainly enough. 

3. There is one old proverb much celebrated, 
And in all countries circulated, 

Of which the truth and certainty lies, 
Every day, before everybody's eyes. 

4. Namely : " whoever can bear in fucceflion 
A long unbroken continuation 

Of nothing but profperous days, the fame 
Muft be gifted with a very ftrong frame.''* 

5. The truth of this old proverb, thus early, 
Will in the prefent chapter clearly 

Make itfelf manifeft to us 
In the cafe of Hieronimus. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs y the Candidate. 

io 5 

6. He lived like a prince, as much a ftranger 
To want, as a rat in a well filled manger, 

Went early to bed and (lowly crept 

From the feathers on which he fo cofily dept. 

7. There was nothing in fact to his comfort wanting j 
Only one thing his mind would be haunting, — 

The image of the damfel always was nigh, 
Whom he daily ogled with loving eye. 

8. And in her looks and her whole expreffion 
He thought he was able to read a confeffion 

That fhe with him, the fecretary, 
Was in love, likewife, mortally. 

9. And often, too, when he looked more nearly 
Into her face and ftudied it clearly, 

It always feemed to him more and more, 
As if he had feen her fomewhere before. 

10. Defpite the old gentleman's prohibition, 
He ventured now on a declaration, 

And foon the knot of intimacy was tied 

As clofe as if they were bridegroom and bride. 

11. But, in the old gentleman's prefence, he never 
Seemed to take any notice of her whatever j 

And very great care he always took 
Not to excite fufpicion even by a look. 

12. Neverthelefs, when alone together 

They had many fly jokes with one another, 
And there paffed not feldom a friendly bufs 
'Twixt Amelia and Hieronimus. 

o6 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

3. That fhe meanwhile the old gentleman flattered 
Before his face, it nothing mattered 

To the fecretary, who held her free 
For all this empty flattery. 

4. In return for all his friendly attention 

She gave him gifts too numerous to mention, 
Shirts and handkerchiefs, gloves and rings, 
Caps and cravats and all forts of things. 

5. Once, on a time, when he had occafion 
In his regular official vocation, 

Some writing for her to defpatch, 
She handed him a firft-rate watch. 

6. He thanked her for it very fincerely, 

But when in his hand he held it more nearly, 
He cried : " Potz taufend Element ! I'm fure, 
I rauft have feen this watch before ! " 

7. Amelia was ftartled beyond expreflion, 
But made forthwith a candid confeflion, 

That the watch in queftion, as a prefent, (he 
Had received from a ftudent formerly. 

8. " How things do often happen queerly, 
We fee in this inftance very clearly," 

Replied Hieronimus ; " for certainly 
That ftudent you before you fee." 

9. And fo they both now calculated 

That five years back their acquaintance dated, 
And the watch that was ftolen fo long before 
The damfel made a joke of, no more. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 107 

20. And both of them now made themfelves merry, 
And thought the joke was comical very, 

That, after travelling fo far round, 

The watch mould in the right hands be found, 

21. For the reft there was nothing very furprifing 
In the chambermaid's not recognizing 

In the fecretary and candidate, 

The ftudent (he met in that difmal ftate. 

22. This laughable affair, however, 

Made them henceforth better friends than ever, 
And the flirtation they carried on 
Made a perfect fool of the old gentleman. 

23. Their intercourfe, in its familiarity, 
Soon took on an air of bold hilarity, 

Till their courting and coquetting came to be 
Almoft undifguisedly free. 

24. If the damfel in cellar or garden was working, 
Mr. Secretary near fomewhere was lurking, 

In kitchen and chamber and all about 
He ftill tagged after her in-doors and out. 

25. And even at night, when me was not furling 
About the old man, (for he needed much nurfing), 

Hieronimus fometimes went 
On a vifit to her apartment. 

26. Alfo, in writing and noting, to guide him 
Amelia conftantly fat befide him, 

In fa6t, whether fitting or ftanding, fhe 
Was at his fide inceflantly. 

io8 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

27. With many a tit-bit of dainty favour 

From the old man's table me did him favour, 
And was there calveVhead or the like of that, 
He always got the marrow and fat. 

28. And fometimes (he would bring him, on Sunday, 
Privately, from the cellar, a flaflc of Burgundy, 

Which Hieronimus would drink 

At a couple of fwigs, and never wink. 

29. Thus did the days of the houfe fecretary, 
Hieronimus, glide away, quite merry, 

No reverend prelate could poffibly 
Lead a more jolly life than he. 

30. But it foon appeared that this fituation 
Of things could not be of long duration, 

For gradually the tranfaftion began 

To grow more clear to the old gentleman. 

31. And inftead of laughing, in fuch cafes, 
He now began to make four faces, 

And he gave them to underftand clearly enough, 
That he would not have any more of this fturf. 

32. And he added, in a manner not very 
Gentle, to Mr. Secretary, 

If he did not all intercourfe with Amelia quit, 
His walking-ticket he foon would get. 

33. Hieronimus affured him on his honour, 

He had not behaved improperly in any manner, 
And he would not, if his Highnefs preferred, 
Exchange with Amelia another word. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs y the Candidate. 109 

34. " Well ! in that cafe, you may tarry 
As long as you pleafe, and be fecretary 

All your life to me," replied 

The old gentleman, fomewhat mollified. 

35. Although now, from this time Hieronimus 
Carried on his tricks as flyly as any moufe, 

With the damfel, by day and night, 
And did more diligently than ever write j 

36. Neverthelefs, not many days after, 
Occurred an adventure too ferious for laughter, 

When the old gentleman who, it feems, 
Was troubled with uncomfortable dreams, 

37. Rofe and went up, as was his cuftom, 
To call Amelia who nurfed him, 

That the damfel by her friendlinefs 
Might drive away his fleeplelfnefs, 

38. Lo and behold! a mighty wonder ! 
For there, by fome unexpected blunder, 

Whom mould he, to his amazement, fee, 
But Hieronimus, the fecretary ! 

39. Himmel! taufend Element! potz donner ! 

The old gentleman fwore in fome fuch manner, 
And from the houfe, the felf fame night, 
Hieronimus was forced to take flight. 

40. No begging nor praying the matter mended j 
The thing was done and there it ended, 

And the old man's wrath was fuch that the maid 

Began herfelf to be afraid. 


no The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

41. Her cunning flatteries, however, 

Did once again for this time fave her, 
But the unlucky candidate 
Was paft all help, 'twas now too late. 


Stanza 18. The reader is requefted to obferve that in the 
firft line hoiv qualifies queerly. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. in 


Hoiv Hieronimus entered into the fervice of a pious lady, 
nuho nvas a fpiritual ßßer, and had univorthy defigns 
upon him, and honv he ran auoay from her. 

'TP HE fhirts, rings and other paraphernalia 

Which Hieronimus had received from Amelia 
Served for fome time to keep him free 
From the actual clutches of poverty. 

2. But when, at laft, he had fold and fquandered 
All the good damfel had to him tendered, 

Nolens volens, now muft he, 

To efcape from hunger and mifery, 

3. And not to die of abfolute ftarvation, 
Begin to look round for a new occupation, 

And his firft thought, of courfe, was to try to find 
Some place of fervice to fuit his mind. 

4. Now, at a folitary caftle there refided 
A widowed lady who was a decided 

Spiritual fifter, as we fay, 

She was old and her hair already gray. 

ii2 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

5. To praying and ringing fhe therefore had taken 
And other things which as fpiritual we reckon, 

And fo a number of years had fpent 
And gained the name of a very great faint. 

6. Not the leaft fhadow of fin could venture 
Among her little houfehold to enter, 

She called them together twice a day 
Into her parlor to fing and pray. 

7. She punilhed them for the fmalleft violations 
Of duty by amiably ftinting their rations, 

She thought much of fafts and pfalmody 
And a glafs of brandy occafionally. 

8. At the fame time, and with reafon, thinking 
That focial was better than folitary drinking, 

And alfo that in society 

One could fing with greater energy, 

9. She had for fome time been defiring, 
And all the country round inquiring, 

To find fome holy man, that he 
Might give her his fpiritual company. 

10. Already had many a godly loafer 
Prefented himfelf and made his offer, 

To live with her and praife and pray 
In the moft approved and orthodox way. 

11. But no one as yet had had attraction 
Enough to give her fatisfaclion, 

For this one feemed to her too old, 

The other by far too young, he was told j 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 113 

12. One was too meagre, another too weakly, 
One was a cripple or otherwife fickly, 

Another was deaf or dumb or blind, 
Another a worlding, not at all to her mind. 

13. Hieronimus finally ventured therefore 
His fervices to the dame to offer, 

As fpiritual afliftant, and lo and behold ! 
So foon as fhe law him, his fortune was told. 

14. For he was neither meagre nor weakly, 
Deaf nor dumb nor blind nor fickly, 

Neither too young nor yet too old, 

And his perfon was not uncomely to behold. 

15. His femi-clerical peruke and garment 
Took the old lady's eye in a moment, 

And he aflured her faithfully 

That he was no worlding, no, not he. 

16. And fo me gave him an invitation 
To make to-day his firft probation, 

And he joined with real, holy glee 
The pious pfalmody after tea. 

17. He alfo read with edification 

A family fermon to the congregation, 

And officiated throughout with fuch grace, 
That the dame commended him to his face. 

18. Her fpiritual zeal grew daily more fervent 
Through the labors of this her godly fervant, 

And every day a holier flame 

Burned in her fpiritual frame. 


ii4 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

19. She kept the pious young man befide her 
In all her anions to counfel and guide her, 

And thus Hieronimus foon became 
A very great favorite of the dame. 

20. If, once in a while, fome deviation 
Occurred, unworthy of his vocation, 

She overlooked fuch things and would call 
Them human frailties — that was all. 

ai. She would alfo grant him difpenfations 

From the penalties fixed for fuch occafions, 
And at fuch times the daintieft fare 
By way of folace, fell to his fhare. 

22. Champagne and chocolate and coffee, 
And almond milk and fuch rich fluff, he 
Got for his beverage every day, 
And lived in an extra-luxurious way. 

a3. He found, in a word, a high enjoyment 
In purfuing fuch a holy employment, — 
Eating and drinking all day long, 
With, occafionally, a fermon or fong. 

24. The worft thing was that the pious matron 
Kept him tied to the firings of her apron, 
For fhe really feemed to think that he 
Was the beau ideal of piety. 

35. And when on the fofa he fate befide her, 
And read fome book that edified her, 

She would ftroke her pious fheep and fay : 
Bravo ! in a very rapturous way. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 115 

26. And when they fang a holy meafure 
Together, me could not contain her pleafure, 

She would throw her arm around his neck, 
And fing, as if her heart would break. 

27. This very familiar ftyle of aftion, 
At laft revealed the whole tranfaclion 

To Hieronimus, that the old dame 

At fomething more than finging did aim. 

28. With fuch a weighty difcovery before him, 
A violent fit of alarm came o'er him, 

And when on the mighty danger he thought 
He was almoft paralyfed on the fpot. 

29. When once recovered from his confternation, 
He thought, with many a tender fenfation, 

Of the blifs he had tafted formerly 
In the fair Amelia's company. 

30. She was young and faultlefs and charming, 
This one, on the contrary, almoft alarming, 

Gray and toothlefs and yellow of fkin, 
Lean and haggard and ugly as fin. 

31. He mould, perhaps, have tutored his fancies 
And, adapted himfelf to circumftances, 

And, blinking at all her foibles and flaws, 
Taken the old lady as fhe was ; 

32. But this did not fuit his difpofition, 

So he came away without alking difmiflion, 
And left the old lady alone, alas ! 
With her hymn-book and her brandy-glafs. 

n6 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 


How Hieronimus had a bad and a good adventure, and 
ho<w,for once in his life, he achieved a <wife aäion. 

JLJ IERONIMUS, before he decided 

To leave the old widow, had provided 
A bag of money, deducing the fame 
From the private treafury of the dame. 

2. For he argued that all his ringing and praying, 
And holy things in fermons faying, 

And receiving the old lady's carefles, too, 
Made a fair compenfation no more than his due. 

3. And now with the fruits of this handfome pillage 
He travelled about from city to village, 

And as in this way he wandered round 
Full many a jolly landlord he found. 

4. And when he found in one place or another 
Fine quarters and fometimes a merry brother, 

Or a hoftefs agreeable in her ways, 
He commonly tarried feveral days. 

5. It happened, however, on one occafion, 
That as he thus wandered for recreation, 

Juft as the ftiades of evening fell 
He flopped at quite a large hotel. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 117 

6. It was the beft tavern in all Swabia, 

No better could be found in the wilds of Arabia 5 
The hoft was an honeft man in his talk 
And loved to write with double chalk. 

7. Now that fame day, it did befal fo, 

That two ftrange guefts had arrived there alfo, 
Who, Hieronimus did guefs, 
Were travelling merchants, by their drefs. 

8. In one of them, at the very firft entrance, 

He would almoft have feen an old acquaintance, 
Had not a great plafter on the place, 
Disguifed about one-half of his face. 

9. Meanwhile the two gentlemen grew quite merry, 
And invited Hieronimus to partake of their merry, 

And very foon a friendfhip grew 
Between Hieronimus and the two. 

jo. For the man who had on his face the plafter, 
Was, in telling ftories, a very great mafter, 
Some he made up and others were truej 
Hieronimus laughed till he was almoft blue. 

xi. Hieronimus, in his turn, freely related 
All his adventures and communicated 
How very near he recently came 
To being decoyed by a widowed dame. 

12. There followed, of courfe, a peal of laughter, 
And Hieronimus, thereafter, 

Proceeded to make the ftory whole 
By telling about the money he ftole. 

u8 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

13. Now when the day, in a manner fo cheery, 
Had come to a clofe, Hieronimus, weary 

And drunk with wine and laughter, laid 
Good night and ftaggered off to bed. 

14. But hardly had he funk to flumber, 

When the two gentlemen proceeded to his chamber, 
Where they ingenioufly did hook 
The money, and their departure took. 

15. Hieronimus, waking late in the morning, 
And having of mischief not the leaft warning, 

Found, as he put his pantaloons on 

His pocket empty, the money-bag gone. 

16. At firft he could not believe the tranfa&ion 
A real cafe for a legal aclion, 

He thought it only a piece of fun 

Which the two merry merchants had done. 

17. But when the hoft, interrogated 
Refpefting them, communicated 

That the two gentlemen went away 
Quickly at an early hour of the day ; — 

18. Then did he begin to make lamentations 
And outcries great, and his impatience 

Grew to fuch a pitch that the hair 

On his head could be kept with difficulty there. 

19. His crying and groaning in fuch a fafhion, 
Soon ftirred the worthy hoft to companion, 

Who agreed to take only his coat in lieu 
Of the money that for board was due. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 1 1 9 

20. And alfo the advice imparted 
That it were well now, if he ftarted, 

" For without the ready cam," faid he, 
" No ftranger can find quarters with me." 

21. Hieronimus's example teaches how odd is, 

In this world, the caprice of the bandaged goddess, 
And how, in a manner unlooked for and ftrange, 
The luck of mortals will often change. 

22. Laft evening the thought of poverty fcorning, 
Called " Sir" by the landlord, and lo ! this morning, 

By the fame worthy landlord hurled 
Coatlefs and pennilefs out into the world. 

23. He could now, as he refumed his wandering, 
On his fad eftate at leifure be pondering, 

And at firft he almoft wifhed himfelf back 
(At the fpiritual filler's, alack!) 

24. But when he thought of her carefTes, 

And called up her image in memory's recefles, 
Such a real horror came over him then, 
That he did not care to go back again. 

25. He had now, for fome days, contrived to banifli 
His hunger with an acorn or turnip or radifh, 

And like a knight errant had managed to ftay 
His nature in many a pitiful way. 

26. But now, as when the need is higheft, 
The confolation is apt to be nigheft, 

So was it in poor Hieronimus's cafe 
The help he required was coming apace. 

I20 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Tate 

27. For as, on the fourth afternoon, he was lying 
In a wood by the roadfide, he heard a crying 

Very loud and piteous indeed, 

Which from near by did feem to proceed. 

28. He foon arrived at the fituation 
Whence he had heard the lamentation, 

And there, to his very great furprife, 
A harrowing fpectacle met his eyes : 

29. A carriage with four horfes flopping ; 

A bearded coachman powerlefs dropping ; 
There a young lady, who fhrieked and cried, 
And ran defpairing from fide to fide. 

30. And here a richly dreffed gentleman, ftriving 
To keep off two ruffians who at nim were driving, 

And who were feeking with might and main, 
To give him his quietus, 'twas plain. 

31. My hero recognized at fome diftance, 

The quafi merchants, his tavern acquaintance, 
He therefore lifted his ftick, and flew 
At once, like a fury, upon the two. 

32. " Villains ! where is my bag of money ?" 
He cried, and darting upon one, he 

Shattered his fkull fo that it couldn't be trepanned 
And ftretched the robber dead on the fand. 

33. With equally vigorous blows he darted 
At t'other robber, who ftraightway ftarted, 

Finding himself outmatched in fight, 
And proceeded to feek his fafety in flight. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


34. Hieronimus would, without hefitating, 

Have chafed the highwayman who was retreating, 
But the fellow vaniflied like the wind, 
And left Hieronimus far behind. 

35. And now I can fcarcely defcribe the behaviour 
Of the gentleman and lady to their faviour, 

When, the imminent peril being o'er, 
They felt that they could breathe once more. 

36. They thanked him, both of them, very fincerely, 
And the pretty girl would have kifsed him nearly, 

If (to fay the truth) (he had not feared 
His unwarned face and his grifly beard. 

37. No eulogy can be invented 

Which was not by them to him prefented, 
For the dear Hieronimus, dirty and rough 
Was their deliverer, clearly enough. 

38. He muft go home with them, they infifted, 
With a friendlinefs that could not be refifted, 

To their manor-houfe, where he mould be 
Richly rewarded for his chivalry. 

39. In his prefent impoverifhed circumftances 
He received with open arms thefe advances, 

And, without further ceremony, thought beft 
At once to comply with their requeft. 

4.0. Lifting the coachman they conveyed him 

To the carriage in which they laid him, 

And, donning the dead highwayman's coat, 

Up on the box Hieronimus got. 


122 The Life y Opinions, Actions and Fate 

4.1. Before, however, Hieronimus mounted, 

He found, with a pleafure not to be recounted, 
His bag and almoft all the money, too, 
In the dead highwayman's portmanteau. 

42. But the ftrangeft thing in all the hiftory 
Was, touching the dead man's face, a myftery ; 

There was no longer any plafter there, 
And when Hieronimus scanned it with care, 

43. He was not long in taking knowledge 

Of a gentleman who, on his journey to college, 
Once fwindled him by hook and by crook, 
Herr von Hogier of the great peruke. 

44. And fo this adventure terminated 

In a way that our hero greatly elated, 

He mounted the coach-box and off he rolled, 
Like the knight of the forrowful figure of old. 

45. And now ere I bring this chapter to a termination, 
I inform the readers of the prefent narration, 

That this deed is the only honorable one 
That Hieronimus has hitherto done. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 



How Hieronimus was glad to get to Ohnewitz, and how 
he became fchoolmafler there ; in a fchool of little hoys 
and girls. 

' I *HAT gentleman and the young lady 

Whom Hieronimus refcued, as mentioned already, 
Suftained the relation of bridegroom and bride 
And the knot had been very recently tied. 

114 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

2. The gentleman had in his jurisdiction 
Of caftles and villages quite a collection, 

But the principal one of his private feats 
Was in the fmall village of Ohnewitz. 

3. To give his lady a gratification 

He often made journeys of recreation, 
For on very intimate terms he ftood 
With every body in his neighborhood. 

4. He had juft been to vifit a neighboring noble 
At the time he met the aforefaid trouble, 

'Twas on his journey home from the fame, 
That the two highwaymen upon him came. 

5. They immediately knocked the driver over, 
So that they thought he would never recover j 

And with violence then demanded next, 
His money and other perfonal effects. 

6. They alfo from the carriage hauled him, 

And would to death have probably mauled him, 
When, at the fhrieks of the agonized dame, 
Hieronimus, as we faid, to the refcue came. 

7. They related, on the way, this ftory 
To their deliverer, who in his glory 

Drove away as merrily now 

As the recent terror would allow. 

8. Hieronimus likewife recounted 

How he by the fates had been thus far tormented, 
And as, in this way time, quickly flits, 
They came, like lightning, to Ohnewitz. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 125 

9. Here they foon forgot all forrow, 

And lived without a thought of the morrow, 
And made all forts of friendly fufs 
In honor to Hieronimus. 

10. New clothes, wine, tobacco and coftly difhes, 
Calculated to gratify the moft faftidious wifhes, 

Were furnifhed, enough and fuperfluous, 
At the fervice of Hieronimus. 

11. After feveral weeks had been fpent in this manner, 
The gentleman did Hieronimus the honour, 

To promife that he, for his future fupport, 
Would make provifion in the very beft fort. 

12. Now juft at this time an event tranfpired, 
Juft what Hieronimus would have defired, 

And he faw in the coincidence 
The hand of a fpecial Providence. 

13. Namely: the Ohnewitz parim pofsefses 
A fchool for little matters and mifses, 

Of which the collation unto the lord, 
As village patron, the laws did accord. 

14. To ftudy the A, B, C, and the primer, 

And learn to read and fpell, and the grammar, 
Thefe branches conftituted the whole 
Of the ftudies purfued at the aforefaid fchool. 

15. All opportunities of further learning 

The patron removed, with a wife difcerning, 

For whenever a peafant comes to be learned, 

At once he grows proud and his brain is turned. 

1 26 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

1 6. Yes, experience teaches us plainly, 
That what the peafant requires mainly 

Is to underftand his almanack, and 

To have his catechifm at his tongue's end. 

17. Whenever above this limit he rifes, 
His labour he commonly defpifes, 

And a miferable confufion enfues 

With the farming proceeds and revenues. 

18. Befides a fixum of thirty dollars, the office 
Brought the teacher additional profits 

In eggs and butter and turkeys and geefe 
And other perquifites fimilar to thefe. 

19. And then, at the new year's congratulation, 
He went to his lordftiip's houfe to collation, 

And alfo received, for attending there, 
Of prefents a proportionate fhare. 

20. Now the fchoolmafter happened, fortunately, 
To have left this world his blefling lately, 

And the parifli was thoughtfully looking round 
To fee where a new one might be found. 

21. So foon as the patron got information 
Of this, he tendered the fituation 

To Hieronimus, who ftraightway 
Entered on the office without delay. 

22. At flrft, it is true, the life of a teacher 
Had not for him one attractive feature, 

For he much more account of idlenefs made 
Than of fuch a thanklefs and tedious trade. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 127 

23. However, as always, when fchool was over, 
He spent his time at the castle in clover, 

Eating and drinking, after awhile 
Hieronimus concluded to reconcile 

24. Himself to his prefent (ituation, 

And attend to its duties with renewed application, 
That he might be able to keep the place 
All his life till the end of his days. 

25. He alfo thought, in many a matter, 

To introduce fome change for the better ; 
For he found that many faults had crept 
Into the fchool, as heretofore kept. 

26. In fact he began, after long deliberation, 
To make here and there a reformation, 

Which did not, however, turn out very well, 
As we to the reader mail ftiortly tell. 


Heading : OAnewitz means literally vuitlefs. 

128 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 


How Hieronimus became an Author, and how he edited 
a new A, B, C,-book, and how be was grievoufly 
complained of for it by the Boors to his Lord/hit. 

J$^T the very firft entrance on his adminiftration 
Hieronimus found with extremeft vexation, 
That the A, B, C-book hitherto ufed 
The minds of the children fomewhat confufed. 

Of Hieronimus fobs, the Candidate. 129 

2. The boys and girls under his fupervifion 
Had ufed heretofore the Ballhorn edition, 

In which Hieronimus foon became aware 
Of sundry errors here and there. 

3. So, after confiderable counfel taking 
With himfelf, he determined upon making 

A fpeedy new edition of it 
Under the following title, to wit : 

4. A neiv, enlarged and amended edition 
Of the A, B, C-book, under the fupernjifion 

Of the Author, Hieronimus 
Jobs, Theologize Candidatus. 

5. To the letters with which we're all acquainted, 
And which in the alphabet are prefented, 

He added alfo the f f t, 
Likewife the fch and fp. 

6. The fpurs of the cock, at the end, who engages 
The attention of children of the lower ages, 

He omitted with great propriety 
From his bran-new book of A, B, C 

7. He added, however, for the gratification 
Of the juvenile candidates for education, 

A little neft with a great egg, 
Befide the fpurlefs roofter's leg. 

8. This book had fcarcely entered their presence, 
When it was reviewed by the Ohnewitz peafants, 

And the very firft occafion gave 

For an altercation both fierce and grave. 

30 The Life y Opinions , Actions and Fate 

9. For none of the changes made, whatever, 
Found with the critics any favour, 

But they every one of them, to a man, 
Regarded it as a highly dangerous plan. 

0. It could not efcape the obtufeft vifion, 
That the author of this new-fangled edition, 

Made it exceedingly manifeft, 

He was with a paflion for authorfhip poflefled. 

1. As, when, in fultry fummer weather, 
Tempeft-brewing vapors mufter together, 

Before the cralhing thunder leaps, 
A low murmur ordinarily creeps, 

2. So here, at firft, in every direction 
Was heard a low buzz of difaffection, 

And foon the thunderbolt came down 
On Hieronimus's crown. 

3. The Ohnewitzers by words and dealings 

Left him no doubt of the ftate of their feelings, 
But he, defying their utmoft rage, 
Fell back on his Grace's patronage. 

4. The Ohnewitzers would mow him, however, 
That they did not mean to be fdent forever: 

For every day they did prefer 

Some new grievance againft the fchoolmaft6r. 

5. They therefore, at laft, in town meeting collected, 
And the fexton was unanimoufly directed 

To draw up a complaint in the following tone : 
" High-well-born patron ! be it known 

Of Hieron'imus Jobs y the Candidate. 131 

16. " Unto your nvorßiip by thefe prefents y — 
That we the aflembled Ohnewitz peafants 

Do take with fubmiflion the liberty 

To complain of your fchoolmafter to thee. 

17. M Inasmuch as the fame has tried our patience 
By introducing fundry innovations, 

All under the abfurd pretext 
Of remedying exifting defecls. 

18. " And has not behaved in the matter, neither, 
As a worthy schoolmafter mould, but rather, 

Given us peafants, whom he ought to lead, 
A very bad example indeed. 

19. "And, only the principal points to mention 

Of the grievances to which we would call attention, 
Pro primo and in the firft place, he 
Has undertaken arbitrarily 

20. " To make a new A, B, C, omitting 

The fpurs of the cock, which is not befitting, 
For the fpurs, affuredly, all will agree 
An efTential part of the cock to be. 

21. " He alfo difcourages learning, however, 
By making the alphabet longer then ever : 

For fp, fch, and fft 

Have furely no bufinefs in the A, B, C. 

22. " Further, though cocks are never known to 
Lay hen's eggs in nefts, as hens are wont to, 

Neverthelefs he has placed one by the cock's leg, 
Juft as if the cock had laid the egg. 

132 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

23. " Now things like thefe are very bewilderin', 
And calculated to miflead the minds of the children, 

And a new A, B, C-book, anyhow, 
Is an innovation we cannot allow. 

24. " Pro fecundo : we would not fail to mention 
(That the afs's head is an ancient invention,) 

Which every child that refifts the rules 

Has to wear, as a punifhment, in our Ichools. 

25. " Now, forely as a fenfitive heart is affected 
When to this punifhment it is fubjected, 

Still moft of the children make a jeft 

Of wearing the afs's head down to their breaft. 

26. " Herr Jobs, however, is not contented 
With this, but has to the head appended 

Neck, body, legs and tail and all 
And fo you have now the afs in full. 

27. " How the children cry and yell when the teacher 
Compels them to wear the entire creature, 

And the figure they cut when drelfed up fo, 
Can be fcarcely imagined. Protertio: 

28. " Herr Jobs, in addition to the ufual feruling, 
Doth barbaroufly box their ears, imperilling 

The health of the pupils, and already fome 
In confequence have quite deaf become. 

29. " Pro quarto: the poorer children more than any 
Are to be pitied for their cudgellings many, 

For, out of respect to perfons, they 
Get a double portion every day. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 133 

" Pro quinto : he is in the habit of fearchirT 
The pockets of every fweet-toothed urchin, 
And puts the apples and nuts on the fhelf, 
And after fchool he eats them himfelf. 

" Pro sexto : his conduct in general fociety 

Is chargeable with much impropriety, 

For he leads, they fay, quite too free a life 
With Schulze the boarding-houfe keeper's wife. 

" He vifits the village tavern daily 

And in heated drinks indulges freely, 
And many a time has wafted away 
Half of the night with Schulze in play. 

" There are many other complaints, in addition, 
Which we would prefer with profound fubmiflion j 

For very many gravamina, 

Befides thofe already mentioned, there are, 

" Which at present, however, we forbear ftating, 
Contenting ourfelves with fupplicating: 

That you would be pleafed, moft gracious Sir ! 

To give us another fchoolmafter. 

" In hope whereof we beg to tarry 
Your Grace's fubjects moft exemplary. 

Given in the village of Ohnewitz. 

Etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc." 


134 Tfo Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 


Hoiv the dij affected peafants of Ohneivitz, received a 
gracious resolution, and hoiv they ivere ad-vifed to keep 
filence, and hoiv they were threatened with the dark 
hole. All in chancery flyle. 

'TP HE meeting appointed a deputation 
Of two to deliver the petition 
To his highnefs, the patron ; and from the fame 
The following refolution came: 

2. "We ha<ve learned ivith great dijfatisfaclion, 
From the ftatement of your recent action, 
What grievances you do prefer 
Againft your worthy fchoolmafter. 

£. "Though, now, it gives us great difpleafure 
To fee you refort to fuch a meafure ; 
We have confidered, neverthelefs, 
The breadth and length of your grievances. 

4. " We cannot, however, up to date difcover 
Anything to make fuch a fufs over, 
And the profecution, we decide, 
Is altogether unj unified. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 135 

5. " 'Tis very true, as has been faid, he 
Has introduced in his fchool already 

A new book of A, B, C, which he 
Dedicates to ourfelves fubmiflively. 

6. " It is alfo clear that, in this edition, 

He has made here and there an addition or omiflion, 
It is not however fo clear to us, 
How this can be fo injurious. 

7. " 'Tis true, by an overfight of the engraver, 
The cock has loft his fpurs j however, 

One can very eafily in the next 
Edition remedy fuch miftakes. 

8. " Our modern reviewers feldom take notice 
Of fuch a trifle in books as that is, 

But the gentlemen kindly overlook 
Such little faults in a new book. 

9. " And as regards the interpolations, 
They are found in all the early editions j 

At leaft fch, fft, and fp, 

As variations, may be fufFered to be. 

10. " That the cock with an egg mould be attended, 
Seems indeed lefs capable of being defended, 

Yet there's no neceflfity propter hoc 
To take the egg away from the cock. 

11. " For from the egg to draw the conclufion 
That the cock had laid it, were great confufion 

In confcience and reafon ; it proves in fact 
No more than the titles to men's names tacked. 

136 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

12. " And then befides we might have alluded, 

To cafes where cockerels over eggs have brooded, 
In hoc cafu, undoubtedly, 
The cock was a capon properly. 

13. " When you propofe as the fecond of the abufes, 
That Mr. Jobs a whole afs introduces ,• 

We think therein he commits no offence, 
But conducts himfelf as a man of fenfe. 

14. " For he means by this no more, nor lefs neither, 
Than that you and your children both together, 

Old and young and great and fmall, 
Are perfect affes incarnate all. 

15. " Pro tertio : the ear-boxing fo bewilderin', 
Which has already made deaf fome children — 

We hold it very much amifs 

To inflict fuch punifhment as this. 

16. "The grievance you have pro quarto propounded 
We hold to be in fo far well grounded ; 

For no judge nor fchoolmafter rightfully can 
Refpect the perfon of any man. 

17. " But for poor no lefs than rich 'tis expedient 
That they mould be punifhed when difobedient, 

And punimment mould always be 
Adminiftered impartially. 

18. " When the right of fearch he exercifes, 
And fruit in the children's pockets furprifes, 

He upholds pro quinto the very good rule : 
Children mould not be munching in school ! 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 137 

19. " And as their tender ftomachs, fans queftion, 
Find apples and nuts of hard digeftion, 

Here alfo the fchoolmafter's plan is good, 
To devour, himfelf, fuch forbidden food. 

20. " Pro sexto, as to your infinuation 
Touching Schulze's wife's reputation, 

Item, the tavern, drinking and dice, 

All this in Herr Jobs were a mocking vice. 

21. "It is our gracious pleafure, however, 
That fuch things be buried in filence forever, 

And whofo mall name them again, by my foul! 
Shall be punifhed with two days in the hole. 

22. " For the reft, the complaints you have delated 
Shall be hereafter more thoroughly inveftigated, 

When from our contemplated tour 
We are happily returned once more. 

23. "Till then we command you to ceafe your gabble, 
Nor longer in thefe grave matters dabble. 

Given at our refidence etc., etc.'"'' 

" Refolution for the Peafants of Ohnewitz." 


138 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 


How, one Wednefday, a riot broke out at Ohneivitz, and 
all forts of figns and ivonders preceded it, and houu 
Herr Hieronimus <was driven aivay ivith cudgels, &c. 

TT may well be conceived that this refolution 
Threw the whole village into the greateft confufion, 
In fact there arofe on all fides a hum 
Among the peafants, both mighty and grum. 

2. For now it was clearly manifefted 
That Jobs was by the patron affifted, 

And that juftice could no longer have courfe, 
And they fwore to avenge themfelves by force. 

3. In this weighty crifis they often came together 
To confult in the tavern with one another, 

And with beer and tobacco confidered there 
How they could beft approach the affair. 

4. They firft determined, with a fweeping 
Unanimity, on keeping 

Their children at home, and not one of all 
In fact went to fchool again, great or fmall. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 139 

5. But the wifeft of them advifed, with reafon, 
To lie in wait for a favorable feafon, 

For then, when came the fitting hour, 
They could all arife at once in their power. 

6. They all gave in at once their adhefion 
To fuch a fenfible propofition, 

And fo they fixed upon a day 

When the patron mould happen to be away. 

7. 'Tis true thefe arrangements were all to lie fleeping, 
In every bofom's fecret keeping 

Till the terrible moon mould be uftiered in 
When the difturbance was to begin. 

8. But before thefe great events had being, 
Signs and wonders had men been feeing, 

As on the eve of important events 

Men commonly witnefs premonitory portents. 

9. For example, a fhort time before, at the hour 
Of midnight, a very great owl on the tower 

Of the church had been heard to utter a cry 
Frightful and loud to the inky fky. 

10. Likewife had one of the Ohnewitz people 
Coming from the inn, heard a tolling in the fteeple ; 

Alfo the very old chimney fell down 

On the fchool-houfe roof with an awful found. 

11. Likewife the fexton's cow give birth to 
The longeft eared calf perhaps on earth too ; 

Likewife many dogs ran howling round 
Through the village with a horrible found. 

140 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

12. Ignes fatui were feen in many places, 

And fometimes by night ftrange forms and faces 5 
Likewife at noonday it came to pafs, 
A leg was broke of the miller's afs. 

13. All this appeared the prefiguration 
Of fome impending revelation j 

But no one noticed the danger until 
The prophecies did themfelves fulfil. 

14. Now it was exactly on Wednefday morning, 
That the riot broke out without any warning, 
When, at eight precifely, every boor 

Was feen to iflue from his door. 

Of Hieronttnus Jobs, the Candidate. 141 

15. It was dreadful to think on what might happen, 
For every one was armed with a weapon, 

And forth the confederates all fwarmed, 
With clubs and flails in great numbers armed. 

16. All was now aftir in the village, 

One would have prophefied murder and pillage, 
And every dog and roofter now 
Began at once to bark and crow. 

17. On the village common foon collected 
The mighty mafs of the difaffe&ed, 

And in proceffion proceeded thence 
Straight to the fchoolmafter's refidence. 

18. Many children came thronging after 
On both fides, full of joy and laughter, 

To think that they would be free to-day 
And the bad fchoolmafter fent away. 

19. Herr Jobs in his bed was lying quiet, 
Never once dreaming of any riot, 

« When all on a fudden the whole fwarm 
Broke in upon him with a great alarm. 

20. He opened his eyes in confternation, 
And vehement was his agitation, 

As now for the firft time he did mark 

The treafon that had been brewing in the dark. 

21. They fell upon him with precipitation, 
Leaving him fmall time for hefitationj 

Only, in confideration of the prefent diftrefs, 
They gave him leave to put on his drefs : 

14* The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

22. Then advifed him to leave Ohnewitz behind him, 
And never again let one of them find him } 

They added likewife many a feoff, 
And cudgelled and pelted our hero off. 

23. And fo this action was completed 
And the expedition fuccefsfully treated, 

And with a loud ju ! hu ! ju ! hu ! 
All to the tavern now withdrew. 

24. And every one fwore with a terrible clatter, 
That he had done the beft in the matter, 

And in drinking brandy determined that he 
The greateft hero of all would be. 

25. There were fome, however, had no fatisfaclion, 
But only remorfe for the whole tranfaclion, 

And they fully expefled to find their reward 
In the dark hole, at the return of their lord. 


Stanza 9. So in Virgil (Aen. IV. 462,) among the por- 
tents that preceded the death of Dido : 
" Solaquc culminihus f trail carmine bubo 
Safe queri, et longas in fictum duccre 'voces." 

— " With a boding note 
The folitary fcreech-owl ftrains her throat, 
And on a chimney's top or turret's height, 
With fongs obfeene difturbs the filence of the night." — 


Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 143 


Ho<w Hieronimus in his flight to Bavaria and a new 
ad-venture, in meeting his beloved Amelia on the flage 
at the theatre. Very pie •aj ant to read. 

J$^S the fox, when he leaves the hounds behind him 
And flies where they no more can find him, 
Is glad that only a mouthful of hair 
He has had to lofe, which he well could fpare, — 

2. So Hieronimus, in his greateft tribulation, 
Took to himfelf the fame confolation, 

And was very glad, upon his foul, 

To have 'fcaped the boors with a Ikin whole. 

3. 'Tis true he had learned, in his fudden departure 
From Ohnewitz, fomething he had to fmart for, 

How very sour and bitter and hard 
Was a poor fchoolmafter's reward. 

4. He alfo made a vow that he never 
Would publifh again any books whatever, 

For his flogging and flight, he had to own, 
Were owing to the authormip-mania alone. 

144 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

5. Meanwhile as his patron (we've ftated already,) 
Was gone on a tour to Bavaria with his lady j 

Hieronimus determined to go there to him, 
For refuge from the wrath of the peafants fo grim. 

6. The journey took no great time to plan it, 
In facl he no fooner refolved than began it j 

But foon, before he was far on his way, 
A new adventure caufed his delay. 

7. For contrary to all expectation 

His plans met a fudden pertubation, 

Soon after he reached a great city, where 
He intended to reft a day or two there. 

8. Here, to confole and divert himfelf folely 
And drive away care and melancholy, 

It came into his head one day, 

That he that evening would go to the play. 

9. He foon perceived among the actreffes, 
Of beautiful faces and fplendid drefTes, 

One who in face, voice, form and hair, 
Was the image of his Amelia fair. 

10. Heavens ! what rapture his heart did fire, 
That he mould fo unexpectedly fpy her ! 

The entire pit was almoft thrown 
Into confufion by this facl alone. 

11. And hardly had fhe her performance ended, 
When into the green-room he inftantly bounded, 

And now there was many a joyful bufs 
'Twixt her and her dear Hieronimus. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 145 

T2. Both were curious to hear from each other, 

What lingular fortune thus brought them together; 
Hieronimus therefore was glad enough, 
With her to fnug quarters to hurry off. 

13. Then and there did Amelia get her firft information 
Of the wonders fet down in the previous narration, 

As having tranfpired fince the memorable night, 
When the old gent drove him forth in fuch plight. 

14. And of his adventures with the fpiritual lady, 
And the difhonorable attempt me made, he 

Told, and how, fubfequently, the whole 
Of his money by night in a tavern was ftole. 

15. And how, in the wood he defpatched a villain, 
And refcued a nobleman whom he was killin', 

And became by one of his lucky hits, 
A fchoolmafter at Ohnewitz. 

16. And his fubfequent trials and tribulation, 
And how he now againft all expectation, 

Had found her in the theatre here, 
All this he copioufly poured in her ear. 

17. Hieronimus, now, in his turn, delired 

To hear what in her experience had tranfpired, 
And the fair one proceeded to relate, 
As follows, her hiftory up to date. 


146 The Life j Opinions, Actions and Fate 


Honv the damfel Amelia tells Hieronimus the fiory of her 
life. A very long chapter, becaufe the perfon fpeaking 
is a female. Exaflly one hundred <verfes. 

U A MELIA Ripraps my proper name is ; 
^ ^The place where into the world I came, is 
The celebrated town of A. A. 
There I firft faw the light of day. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 147 

2. " My father was an advocate, had many cafes 
Both there and in the neighboring places, 

For he knew the jura thoroughly 
And underftood chicanery. 

3. "The mod complicated cafes he would take'em 
And ftill more complicated make'em, 

And many an art and trick he knew 
For fpinning out ftiort cafes, too. 

4. " His ingenuity many a clever 
Rogue from the gallows did deliver j 

And, by recommending the crime 
Of perjury juft in the nick of time, 

5. " He brought off many a cheat inglorious, 
Over his honorable opponent victorious, 

Relieved many a one of fore diftrefs 

And many a poor devil of his bread, I guefs. 

6. " He hated peace and compromifing, 
Much rather, in every cafe, advifing, 

However trifling the matter might be, 
Recourse to law and chicanery. 

7. " He kept his clients in a round of dances 
Through all pomble legal inflances, 

And kept them appealing, on and on, 
Until their very laft penny was gone. 

8. " For the reft, he ferved to the beft of his fcience 
And fidelity the clients who placed on him reliance, 

Yet, now and then, for variety's fake, 
From the oppofite party a bribe would take. 

4? The Life, Opinions, Actions and Tate 

9. " Of a tolerable property he thus got pofleffion ; 
What to others was a curfe, was to him a blefling, 
And when to wrangling and quarrelling fell, 
He took the oyfter and gave each a fhell. 

0. " My blefled mother was the daughter 
Of a wealthy farmer of the higheft order, 

Who litigated to fuch a degree 

That he ruined himfelf and his property. 

1. " My father had ferved him as advocate duly 
And given him counfel faithfully and truly, 

And fo at length, he got for his pay 
The farmer's pretty daughter one day. 

2. " She had already rejected many 
Who offered their hands in matrimony, 

At the time when her father was yet well off 
And had property enough. 

3. " But as the incomes began to grow fewer, 
No one cared any longer to woo her ; 

For the prettieft pennilefs face that goes 
Will never tempt the men to propofe. 

4. " She managed after awhile, however, 
To catch my father, for (he was clever, 

And grounded to the laft degree 
In all the arts of gallantry. 

5. " My father took a fancy to her, 

And fo, as aforefaid, became her wooer, 
And, wifhing a partner of his life, 
Befought her of the farmer for wife. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 149 

16. " They tafted together many enjoyments 
In their wedded life, and little annoyance, 

At leaft for the firft three months or fo, 
While marriage was yet a new thing, you know. 

17. "And then her fine face and agreeable manner 
Many a private income won her, 

When fome rich party happened to be 
Attentive to her particularly. 

18. They managed to get from parties in cafes 
A matter or two for houfehold ufes j 

For the advocate's lady always got 
What the advocate, her Lord, did not. 

19. " When her hufband to his pleadings attended, 
She meanwhile was not idle-handed, 

And at fuch times in her apartments fhe 
Had private hearings generally. 

20. " Now though I cannot pofitively declare it 
For a facl, and folemnly fwear it, 

That the above named advocate 
Was my real father — at any rate 

11. "I never in my life have heard the fuggeftion 
That he fo much as raifed a queftion, 
When, after about a year, may be, 
My mother was delivered of me. 

22. " The earlier parts of my childifh hiftory 
Remain involved in the (hades of myftery, 
However my father and mother loved me 
As their only daughter tenderly. 

150 The Life, Opinions y Actions and Fate 

23. " No pains were fpared on the formation 
Of my manners and my education, 

And they fent me to fchool at an early age 
In the ufual ftudies there to engage. 

24. " They ftriclly forbade, however, the teachers 
To inflift on me blows or bitter fpeeches, 

And in everything, fmall as it might be, 
My will was confulted carefully. 

25. " When I fcarcely was ten years old, my fancies 
Began to devour all forts of romances, 

And already far more of love I knew 
Than other maidens of eighteen do. 

26. " I was happy and vain to receive addrefles 
From pretty young men, and fometimes carefles, 

And many a practical romance 

In my thirteenth year did already commence. 

27. " Perhaps 'twas a fault of my education, 
That I felt very early an inclination, 

Which never has yet my nature left, — 
A fecret inclination to theft. 

28. " My parents, fmitten with fatal blindnefs, 
Called it childifh fport in their mifplaced kindnefs, 

And when I was caught in fome wicked craft, 
At their fly little daughter they only laughed. 

29. " My fifteenth year was hardly over, 
When I had already many a lover, 

Which, with one of my not ugly face, 
Could hardly fail of being the cafe. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 151 

30. " Some of them feemed quite prefentable 

In my father's eyes, at leaft not contemptible j 
My mother, however, found in the fame 
Many a thing to diflike and blame. 

31. "It muft be a man of high pofition, 
Equal to any in the land in condition, 

Such a one or none, fhe faid, 

Who mould ever her pretty daughter wed. 

32. " But no man came, of high condition, 
With a matrimonial propofition, 

And to me it began to be tirefome 
Waiting for fuitors who didn't come. 

33. "I therefore thought in fome other manner 
To fave from tarnifli my pride and honour, 

And to meet the handfome young men I flew 
To many a fecret rendez-vous. 

34. " Fearing there might be fome mifcarriage, 
Which would perhaps to my future marriage 

Prove an obftacle, if me 
Allowed me too much liberty, 

35. "My mother took it in contemplation 
To lay on my love-tricks fome limitation, 

And by day and by night henceforward took 
Notes of my every ftep and look. 

36. " Now though its indulgence was thus prevented 
The paflion itfelf was rather augmented, 

For a ftriclly forbidden fruit will be 
Sought always the more eagerly. 

15a The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

37. " And the greater the hindrance the more the defire, 
So did it with my inclination tranfpire, 

For I fought every opportunity 
To gratify it fecretly. 

38. " By night through my window often glided 
Ghofts with flefh and bones provided, 

Which then would ufually half the night 
Stay with me till morning light. 

39. " And when I happened to find nothing better 
I got now and then a love-letter 

Of fuch heart-breaking tenor, as we 
Daily in every romance may fee. 

40. "My nineteenth year had exafMy ended 
When I one evening a ball attended, 

And there with a gentleman acquainted became 
Herr Baron Von Hogier was his name." 

41. Hieronimus here interrupted her talking} 

" Herr Von Hogier ? the thing is mocking ! 
His name, as well as his rank, the whole 
Is familiar enough to me, by my foul ! 

42. " Herr Von Hogier was a (harper, I tell ye !** 
" He was all of t/iat" refumed Amelia, 

And, dear Hieronimus, you mail fee 
What took place between him and me. 

43. " To Herr Von Hogier I took a great liking, 
His perfon and manners were very ftriking, 

His elegant drefs and great peruke 

At the very firft moment my fancy took. 

Of Hteronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


44. " He made me a very flattering propofal 
Placed his hand and fortune at my difpofal, 

And what pleafed and flattered me far more, 
I was his only angel, he fwore. 

45. " He alfo faid much of his goods and pofTeflions 
Situated in the land of the Heflians, 

Though he now was travelling to and fro 
Through the world incognito. 

46. " He did alfo diftindly inftrucl: me 

He'd like, if I pleafed, from home to abdu£l me, 
If I at the hour appointed would ftand 
Ready, with money and jewels in hand. 

47. "And fo, by night, when nothing hindered, 
The coffers and chefts at home I plundered, 

Pocketed what I found without fear 

And took my flight with Herr Von Hogier. 

48. " We made our retreat in very good order, 
'Till we about reached the laft Swabian border j 

And during the Arft four days of our ride, 
Did not reft twelve hours, I'm fatisfied. 

49. " What my parents thought, and how aftounded, 
To find bags empty and daughter abfconded, 

And how they took on and fwore and ftormed, 
You may well imagine but cannot be informed. 

50. " When we at laft arrived at W, 

(Not with too long a ftory to trouble you) 
We determined to tarry fome days there 
To reft ourfelves and get good fare. 

154 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

51. "We, therefore, as we propofed to, tarried, 
And lived as cofy as if we were married, 

And the Herr Baron Von Hogier 
Behaved very tenderly to his dear. 

52. " I therefore was now, in my own opinion, 
Happier than a Queen in her dominion, 

And thought of nothing but joy and glee 
And pleafure and feftivity. 

53. "But clofe on my heels was misfortune purfuing, 
For before I could dream of anything brewing, 

Suddenly and fecretly one night 
Herr Von Hogier, per poß, took flight. 

54. "My money, too, dear Hieronimus, (think on't,) 
And my jewels were gone to the dogs in an inftant, 

And of the valuables the whole 

Which I from my parents before had ftole. 

55. " I faw now, with all his cooing and billin*, 
That Herr Von Hogier was a fettled villain, 

And that matters did not rightly ftand 
With his eftate in the Hefllan land. 

56. " You can therefore eafily imagine 
How much I took this thing in dudgeon, 

For I had not dreamed that the Herr Von Hogier 
Could be guilty of fuch tricks as this 'ere. 

57. " Now left alone and by all forfaken, 

I knew not what ftep was next to be taken, 
And in defperation I looked around 
To fee where a refuge could be found. 

Of Hteronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 155 

58. "That I fhould go back again to my parents 
Was an impoflible occurrence, 

For fuch a courfe would certainly 
Have been very uncomfortable to me. 

59. "However I ftill, as a flight confolation, 

Had twenty-four ducats remaining in my pofleffion, 
Which I, in cafe of future diftrefs, 
Had fewed into my under-drefs, 

60. "Thefe twenty-four ducats, I now bethought me, 
A fpecial fortune feems to have brought me, 

For they are now, moft certainly, 
All my eftate and property. 

61. "I would not any longer tarry 
But after Herr Von Hogier hurry, 

And on the very felf-fame day, 
I took the ftage and drove away. 

62. " For I had at the poft-houfe received information 
That he hired an extra for the occafion, 

And was therefore probably by this, 
In Swabia, as one might guefs. 

63. " If at that time I could have caught him, 
To juftice I at once would have brought him, 

And I mould certainly have then 
Got all my money back again. 

64. " It was, my dear, in this occupation, 
That on the well remembered occafion, 

I found in the ftage coach a fad young man, 
With whom my acquaintance then firft began. 

156 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

65. " For the reft, up to this time I have never 
Succeeded in getting any glimpfe whatever, 

Nor have fo much as been able to hear 
Of the whereabouts of Herr Von Hogier." 

66. Here Hieronimus could not help breaking 
In once again on Amelia fpeaking: 

" Potz taufend ! I know well," he faid, 
Where Herr Von Hogier the fcamp has fled. 

67. "Shortly before our acquaintance, dear Amelia! 
Herr Von Hogier, the son of Belial, 

Spunged me out of much money one day 
At a tavern by his tricky play. 

68. " This was the principal occafion 
Of my melancholy fituation 

Of mind, which I at laft forgot 
When in the ftage by your fide I fot. 

69. " Herr Von Hogier, too, was one of the couple 
Of travellers, difguifed as merchant people, 

Who after fupper at the inn 

Stole my money bag and all therein. 

70. "The robber too, whom I killed, (as already 
Stated,) when I faved the gentleman and lady, 

Was verily, by his perfon and face, 
No other than this fame fcape-grace. 

71. "You, therefore, now may reft contented: 
His future villanies are prevented, 

And I have thus moft righteoufly 
Avenged myfelf for his knavery." 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 157 

72. Amelia replied : " Thy histories, 

My dear ! are full of curious myfteries, 
And fo remarkable each event, 
It fills nae with aftonifhment ! 

73. " The proverb: ivhat is fipun ho c we e ver finely, 
Is fure to come to the junlight finally. 

Turns out exactly to a hair 

In the case of that rafcal Hogier there. 

74. " But to proceed in my own narration, 
At the time of our fudden feparation, 

On account of the watch I concluded to go on, 
A while, on foot, and all alone. 

75. " About that time, by good luck's providing, 
An elderly gentleman came riding 

Along in his carriage, and when he fpied 
Me trudging on by the roadfide, 

76. " With fuch a fignificant fmile he beckoned, 
That I was fitting by him in a fecond j 

And, as my perfon pleafed him, he 
Made a propofition to me: 

77. " To be his chambermaid, and aid him 
Drive off the blues that did often invade him, 

For he lived alone without any wife, 
And was an old bachelor for life. 

78. " Now it would have been dangerous, I concluded, 
And certainly I mould be deluded, 

(So the thing began now to appear,) 

To feek any further for Herr Von Hogier. 

158 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

79. " And Co I could not make refufal 
To the old gentleman's kind propofal, 

Although his age and his gray hair, 
Were not juft fuch as I wiihed they were. 

80. "So I took up with him my habitation 
And gave him effe&ual confolation, 

And I behaved myfelf to him 
As if I his lawful fpoufe had been. 

81. " He therefore held me in high eftimation, 
And gave me the whole houfe-adminiftration, 

And all the fervants, maids and men, 
Subjected to my regimen. 

82. " I superintended cellars and prefTes, 
Kitchen and chamber and wardrobe and drefles, 

Saw to the warning, table and bed, 

And everything that came under that head. 

83. "The keys of the chefts, the plates and platters, 
And even the more valuable matters, 

The linen and filver, were to me 
Committed into cuftody. 

84. " And from many an evening till the morrow, 
I beguiled the old gentleman of his forrow, 

And gave his troubled fpirit eafe 
And miniftered to his neceflities. 

85. " For the old gentleman would never 
Do the leaft thing without me whatever, 

And nothing in any department, 

Could ever take place without my consent. 

Of Hierontmus Jobs, the Candidate. 


86. " Of courfe, in addition to my compenfation, 

I received from him many a valuable donation, 
And, to make up any deficiency, 
I ftole a trifle occasionally. 

87. " Although now nothing external was wanting, 
There was fomething always my fpirit haunting, 

And the time feemed long when I began 
To live with the old gentleman. 

88. " 'Tis true in the courfe of time the houfe-writer 
Did make my fpirits a little lighter, 

But, being rather fickly, he 
Was not very interefting to me. 

89. " I found it for my comfort neceflary, 
After his death to get a new fecretary, 

And you, my dear, juft then applied 

For the vacant place of the one who had died. 

90. " I had for you a prepofeflion, 

At the very firft fight, I rauft make the confeflion j 
And this, you fee, was the reafon why 
I fpoke in your favour fo earneftly. 

91. " Of all the things that between us tranfpired, 
From the time that you were firft hired 

'Till the night he found you in my room, 
Dear Hieronimus ! you are aware, I prefume. 

92. " When he at that time difmifTed you, 
I need not fay how much I miffed you, 

But the old man continued all the more 
To give fharp hints on that very fcore. 

i6o The Life j Opinions, Actions and Fate 

93. " His anger did my fpirits gall fo, 
That I came very near leaving alfo, 

And it was about as much as I could do 
With my carefTes to bring him to. 

94. " Meanwhile, from that time, his inclination 
For me gave place to alienation, 

And to a new young kitchen maid 
All his attention henceforth he paid. 

95. "And therefore to relieve the depreffion 
Of fpirits your ab fence did occafion, 

I lived thenceforward fomewhat free 
With the old gentleman's lackey. 

96. " But when our intercourfe he did difcover, 
All chance of reconciliation was over, 

No word of excufe would he wait to hear — 
I muft pack up my duds at once and clear. 

97. " Being now with money tolerably provided, 
To travel through the world I decided, 

'Till fome new opportunity 

Of future fupport mould turn up for me. 

98. " While through this neighborhood I wandered 
A band of players I encountered, 

And at my requeft the company 
For a new actrefs accepted me. 

99. "Already fome months have I been ftaying 
With them and in their fervice playing 

Exceedingly well, as I'm inclined 
To think, the parts to me affigned. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 161 

loo. " For the reft, it gratifies me greatly 
To think of the good luck that lately 
Has brought together you and me 
For the third time fo happily." 

1 62 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 


Hoav Hieronimus conceived a defire to be a play-aäor, 
and honu he <was perfuaded thereto by Mifs Amelia. 

JLJ IERONIMUS exceedingly wondered 
At the ftory told in the previous hundred 
Verfes, and quite forgot, from this day, 
His patron and Bavaria. 

2. He now determined that he never 

Would leave Amelia on any account whatever, 
And confequently took it in view 
That he would be a comedian too. 

3. When Amelia got information 

Of this, fhe approved his determination, 
And extolled her profeflion's dignity 
In the following apology : 

4. "I know from many an example, 

That the ftage-player's profeflion has ample 
Claim to be called the worthieft 
Of all that in the world exift. 

5. "For the theatre holds up a mirror 

In which one fees, even plainer and clearer 
Than in the world itfelf, how odd 
Is the mixture in life of good and bad. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 163 

6. " Now we have merry comedies, 
And now we have tearful tragedies j 

Now they laugh and dance and fing, 

And now figh and groan and all that fort of thing. 

7. " Now comical farces excite our laughter, 
Now tears and bloodfhed follow right after; 

Now one is poor and now he's rich: 
To-day in the parlor, the next in the ditch. 

8. " Now he's a peafant and now he's a ruler, 
Now he's a fool and now he's a fcholar 5 

Now he is young and now he is old, 
Now he is warm and now he is cold. 

9. " Now he is fober, now he is tipfy, 
Now he's a capuchin, now he's a gipfy. 

Now he's a beggar and now he's a bar'n, 
Now he's a varlet and now a Herr Von. 

10. " Now a renownift and now a lackey, 
Now a chamberlain and now a blackey $ 

Now a landlord and now a gueft, 
Now a cowherd and now a prieft. 

11. " Now a paftor — a philofopher famous, 
Now a fexton — an ignoramus $ 

Now a monarch and now a fudge, 
Now a hangman and now a judge. 

12. "Through thefe and other fimilar changes, 
One, ever newly delighted, ranges, 

And the courfe of the world is faithfully 
Reprefented in all its variety. 

164 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

13. " If we only play with all our powers 
The parts which for the time are ours, 

The audience applaud at the end 
With a vehement clapping of the hand. 

14. " On the contrary, when we fail or blunder, 
The audience is down on us like thunder 

The pit and galleries all laugh, 
And hifs and yell and hoot us off." 

15. "Your account, dear Amelia, I cannot deny it, 
Pleafes me fo, I'm difpofed to try it," 

Anfwered with a hearty bufs 
The new play-actor Hieronimus. 

16. He was now to the manager prefented 
And to him by Amelia recommended, 

And on the next day following he 
Was enrolled in the a&ing company. 


Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 



Honu Hieronimus became a real player, and hoiv Miß 
Amelia nvas falfe to him and ran off ivith a rich 
gentleman, and hoiv be alfo in defperation went anvay. 

TNDULGENT reader! thou malt now be inftruaed 
How in his new profeflion Hieronimus conducted, 
When once the manager had tried 
His qualifications, and was fatisfied. 

2. Drunken ftudents and profligate preachers, 
Laughable fextons and ftupid teachers, 

Secretaries amoroufly inclined, 

Poltroons and rakes, and parts of that kind. 

3. All thefe Hieronimus played to perfection, 
Becaufe for fuch he'd a natural predilection, 

And every time he appeared therein, 
A general round of applaufe did win. 

4. And when an author he did enacl, or 
Appeared in a fchoolmafter's character, 

Now and then one feemed to fee 
The author or fchoolmafter bodily. 

i66 The Ltfe 3 Opinions, Actions and Fate 

5. But when the philofopher's part he affected, 
No great applaufe could be expected, 

And in fentimental paftoral 

Hieronimus was juft next to nothing at all. 

6. He played the fine gentleman very badly, 
And, as a general thing, failed fadly 

In any thing like a refpeclable part, 

Or where there was much to be got by heart. 

7. Hieronimus in this new employment 
Experienced unalloyed enjoyment, 

And blifsfully flew the moments away 
In the arms of his queen — his Amelia. 

8. He would not in his love-intoxication 
Have exchanged for a king's his fituation, 

And all his trouble and forrow, at laft, 
Seemed to be over and ended and paft. 

9. But how very feldom one of us liftens 

To the proverb " All is not gold that gliftens." 
Fortune often takes a freak 
And plays us an unexpected trick. 

10. Hieronimus (as you'll fee by what mall follow) 
Was fated to find her promifes hollow, 

For when he leaft dreamed of fuch a thing, 
The greateft joy of his life took wing 

11. The forrow by which he was now o'ertaken 
The heavieft of all he did reckon, 

Namely, his molt dearly beloved 
Amelia unfaithful proved. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs t the Candidate. 

12. It happened thus: on a certain occafion 
A rich young gentleman of confideration, 

Saw the enchanting Amelia 
Perform at the theatre in a play. 

13. Now as there are ninnies all the world over, 
He immediately became her lover, 

And Amelia was fhrewd enough 
Not to treat him with a rebuff. 

14. In reading her hiftory we eafily discover 
That me had a great inclination, moreover, 

(Becaufe lhe was a woman, you fee) 
To frequent change and variety. 

15. The rich young man frequent vifits paid her, 
For which Hieronimus did upbraid her,. 

His face grew black and his eyes grew red, 
And in his defpair he wifhed himfelf dead. 

16. But that only made him lefs amiable 
To Amelia, and daily more intolerable, 

And very foon he received from her 
A renunciation formaliter. 

17. When this blight fell on his affections, 

He at once diflblved his theatrical connexions, 
And in extreme defperation of mind 
Left the fcene of difgrace behind. 

18. That we here may bring the narration 
Of Amelia's life to a termination, 

She left with the gentleman, and it is faid, 
Died two vears after in child-bed. 

1 68 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 


How Hieronimus returned home to Schildburg, and how 
he found there all forts of changes. 

A ND fo Hieronimus was fated 

To wander again, as above narrated, 
And never before in his life had he 
Set out fo discontentedly. 

2. Amelia's unlooked for infidelity 
Seemed every hour a new reality, 

And in his defpair he could fcarcely keep 
Himfelf from taking the fatal leap. 

3. 'Tis true, if I may exprefs an opinion, 
His patron in the Bavarian dominion 

Would have been, in his prefent afflicted ftate, 
His fureft refuge from adverfe fate. 

4. But one who falls into tribulation 
Is apt to lofe his felf-pofTeflion, 

And at fuch times, ('tis the general rule,) 
Refigns his wits and afts the fool. 

5. And fo in utter defperation 
Hieronimus formed the determination 

That he would now his fteps retrace 
To Schildeburg, his native place. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 169 

6. And now as he met with no detention 

On his journey homeward, worthy of mention, 
He did at laft, thank Heaven! arrive 
At the place of his deftination, alive. 

7. Here, when the firft falutations were over, 
He very foon began to difcover 

That many changes had taken place 
In his long abfence from the place. 

8. His mother, indeed, he found ftill living, 

But in outward circumftances far from thriving, 
Indeed her means were very ftrait, 
And her bread was earned with trouble great. 

9. He learned with forrow, that one brother 
Had gone the way of all flefh, another 

Had opened a little Nuremberg mop, 
Whereby he managed to fill his crop. 

xo. The eldeft brother had fuccefsfully courted 
The uglieft woman the country fupported, 
But the money which me did poflefs 
Made him forget her uglinefs. 

11. He alfo learned that his eldeft fifter 

Had connected herfelf in marriage with Mifter 
Kircher, the fexton of the place, 
And lived with him in pretty good cafe. 

12. His fifter Gertrude one Mr. Geier 

Had wedded, and become a father by her, 
But thereupon was off like the wind, 
And left both bride and infant behind. 

170 The Life, Opinions > Actions and Fate 

13. She tried her beft to earn her living, 
Her fervices indifcriminately giving 

To young people of the richer fort, 
From whom (he thus received a fupport. 

14. Another fifter, they did inform him, 

An old widower took to keep houfe and warm him, 
And, in fo far, appeared to be 
Living with him in peace and unity. 

15. And, laft of all, his younger fifter, 

A blooming maiden, whofe name was Efther, 
Did ftill to her mother folace afford, 
And get from her her daily board. 

16. Now, Hieronimus's return made his mother 
Very happy, and no doubt, each lifter and brother, 

Becaufe they fo long had not feen him, nor heard 
Of his whereabouts a fingle word : 

17. Still, at the fame time, it would not do for 
Him to be living at home as a loafer, 

And fo they began to take in view 

What bufinefs there was Hieronimus might do. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 171 


Hoiv Hieronimus became a night-ivatchman in Schild- 
burg, and hoiv his mother's dream and Mrs. Urgalin- 
dina's prophecy were fulfilled. 

"M"OW it came to pafs that the man they hired 
As watchman in Schildburg had lately expired, 
And fo the office was lying void, 
Vacant, empty and unfupplied. 

172 The Li*e t Opinions, Actions and Fate 

2. As, now, in all ftates that are ordered rightly, 
The watchman can't be difpenfed with nightly $ 

The burghers confulted in the prefent cafe 
On ordaining another to fill his place. 

3. Now many fit fubjects might have been felected 
Who to taking the office would not have objected, 

But, on account of his powerful voice, 
Hieronimus feemed to be their choice. 

4. 'Tis true fome perfons at firft made objections 
And caft upon him perfonal reflections, 

As if Hieronimus would not do 
Exactly for the office in view. 

5. For the city would not, fo they contended, 
If he were watchman, be well defended, 

For how could he who preferred to fleep 
When he ought to wake, the city keep ? 

6. Neverthelefs did Hieronimus 
Very foon receive a unanimous 

Invitation from the bourgeoifie 

That he would the new night-watchman be. 

7. But firft it would be neceflary 

His predeceflbr's widow he mould marry, 
For the deceafed had flood very high 
In the city's efteem defervedly. 

8. And fo, by way of compenfation 

To his highly afflicted widow, the corporation 
To the other qualifications tacked on 
The marrying of her perfon as a fine qua non. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate- 173 

9. Now, as her age was thirty only, 

And her perfon certainly not very homely, 
Hieronimus accepted the terms propofed 
And his predeceflbr's widow efpoufed. 

10. And now to old and young, as they flumbered, 
* The hours of night were again mufically numbered, 
For Hieronimus, the new 

Watchman put his horn to his mouth and blew. 

xi. And whenever the clock was heard from the tower, 
He began as follows to call the hour: 

" Hark ye, gentlemen, as ye lie there ftill, 
And hear what I to you fing and tell : 

12. "The clock has juft proclaimed the hour, 
Twelve, one, two, three, from the old church tower ; 

Take care, if I may you advife, 

Of fire and light and your daughters likewife ! 

13. "That no one may fet anything on fire, 
Or any other harm may tranfpire, 

Be careful, therefore, and fee to 't, 

To 't, to 't, to *t, toot ! toot' toot ! toot ! " 

14. For the reft he fteadily conducted 
Himfelf as a watchman well inftru6red j 

Slept foundly all day long that he 
Might at night more wakeful be. 

1 5. In all the time of his finging and watching 
No thief dared rifk his power of catching, 

So that Schildburg was entirely free 
From all nocturnal burglary. 


174 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

1 6. And every citizen, however foundly fnoring, 
Woke when Hieronimus his blaft was pouring, 

And the found of his horn and his nightly call 
Were heard throughout the town by all. 

17. A wonderful coincidence this muft be reckoned 
With Frau Jobsts dream (in chapter fecond,) 

And all turns out, to a hair, for us 
In the cafe of the watch Hieronimus. 

1 8. And that which Urgalindina ftated, 
When about the boy's future interrogated, 

On the ground of chiromantic art, 
Was verified now in every part. 

19. Now that the things were fulfilled completely, 
The explanation could be made very neatly, 

As with prophecies is always the cafe ; 
They're myfteries till the event takes place. 

20. Meantime Frau Schnepperle's talk (remember) 
When Frau Jobs was keeping child-chamber, 

(As may be read in chapter 3) 

Has not as yet been fulfilled, you fee. 

21. And, from our prefent information, 

We mould fay that Frau Schnepperle's reputation 
In the matter of phyfiognomy 
Muft fuffer very confiderably. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 175 


Ho-iv Hieronimus received a vifit from friend Death, 
<who took him to his reß. A chapter which would do 
for a funeral fermon. 

Through learned books has run its round, 
(In the old church-father Horace 'tis found :) 

176 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

2. As well againft the palace portals. 

As againß the doors of the poorefi mortals, 

Friend Death, who is everywhere well-known, 
Knocks with his old dry knuckle-hone. 

3. That is, when popularly tranflated, 
ALI that lives to die is fated, 

As well the monarch as the boor, 
As well the rich man as the poor. 

4. Inasmuch as friend Death makes not the fmalleft 
Diftinclion between the loweft and talleft, 

But cuts down all both low and high, 
With the ftriaeft impartiality. 

5. And, as he ever flyly watches, 

The cavalier and the clown he catches, 
The beggar and alfo the great Sult&n, 
The tailor and alfo the Tartar Khan. 

6. And with his fcythe his rounds he goeth 
And honorables and lackeys moweth, 

The herdsmaid and the titled dame, 
Without diftin&ion of place or name. 

7. He liftens to no compromifes j 

Both crowns and bag-wigs he defpifes, 
Do&or's hats and flag's horns 
And whatever elfe men's heads adorns. 

8. A thoufand things he has command of, 
By which he us can make an end of, 

And now the dagger, and now the peft, 
And now a grape-ftone, gives us reft. 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 177 

9. A ficknefs now and now a panic, 
And now a miftaken dofe of arfenic, 
Poifon or pleafure or very fpite, 
Or love or grief or a mad dog's bite. 

10. Now a law-fuit and now a fplinter, 

Now a bad woman and now a bad winter, 
Now a noofe or other fnare, 
Of which may Heaven help us beware. 

ii. Againft his darts, when they aflail us, 
No d'Arcon's floating batteries '11 avail us, 
Friend Death, the ravenous, is not feared 
By cannon or fortrefs, fhield or fword. 

12. The commandant of the Seven Towers, 
The grand vizier in his harem's bowers, 

As well as Diogenes in his tub, 

All — all are fwallowed by him for grub. 

13. So is it as far as memory reaches, 
As far as ancient hiftory teaches ; 

Jacob Böhme and Ariftotles, 
Klaus Narre and Demofthenes ; 

14. Mismapen Efop his fables tellin', 

And the Grecian beauty, world-famed Helen, 
Unhappy Job and King Solomon, 
Gave up the ghoft and now are gone. 

15. EmperOr Max and Jobs the Senator 
Virgil and Hans Sachs my anceftor, 

Goliath great and David fmall, 
Early or late, they perifhed all. 

i 7 « 

The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

1 6. Nicholas Klimm and Marcus Aurelius, 
Cato and Eulenfpiegelius, 

Ritter Samfon and old Don 

Quixote, alas, they are dead and gone. 

17. Kartouche and King Alexander together, 
As like each other as birds of a feather, 

Bramarbas the hero and Hannibal, 
Met the common deftiny all. 

1 8. Great Auguftus, alfo Poland's 

Hero and Charles XII., nolens volens, 
As well as the Perfian Shah Kulikan 
And Czar Peter, that famous man ; 

19. Item, Xerxes, with his hoft fo enormous, 
Potiphar, of whom the fcriptures inform us, 

And Polyphemus, the one-eyed, 
And old Methufalem have died. 

20. All — all — to the grave they had to carry, 
Calvin and Father Santa Clara, 

Likewife the Patriach Abraham 
And alfo Erafmus of Rotterdam. 

21. Müller Arnold, too, and the Ruffian 
Imperial Dynafty and the Pruflian 

Lawyers, and April, well known, 
Who fell down ftairs at Ratifbon. 

22. All — all — have funk beneath his fickle, 
Hippocrates Magnus and Schuppachs Michel, 

Galenus and Do6lor Menadie, 
With the Salernian Academy j 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 


23. Not one of them found time for fleein', 

Not Noftradamus nor fuperintendent Ziehen : 
With do&or Fauft, dreamer Swedenburg, too, 
He made a clean fweep and went through. 

24. Orpheus, the great mufician, 

Moliere, the comedian of the Parifian nation, 
And the famous painter Apell^s, 
Friend Death has fwept away all thefe. 

25. The long-eared Midas, (all children know it,) 
. Homerus, the old blind beggar-poet, 

Veftris the dancer and brave Tamerlane, 
Struggled with the deftroyer in vain. 

26. Ah yes, dear reader ! with terrible grip he 
Seized and devoured Penelope, Xanthippe, 

Judith, Dido, Lucretia, 

And the queen from far Arabia. 

27. Cynic Timon, Democritus the laughing phyfician, 
Juggler Schröpfer and Simon the magician, 

Socrates and young Werther, the one 
A wife man, t'other a fimpleton. 

28. Bucephalus and Roflinante 
And Abulabas the Elephant, he, 

With the horfe Bayard and Balaam's afs, 
Took for a morning meal like grafs. 

29. Summa Summarum, the long and the (hort is, 
That in none of the chronicles do we find notice, 

That friend Death has ever any one pafTed 
Without coming back for him at laft. 

i8o The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate 

30. And what he has not eaten already 

He will not fail to remember when he's ready : 
Alas ! dear reader, alfo thee, 
And, what is worft of all, even me ! 

31. From the common lot (we've now to mention,) 
Hieronimus, the watchman, found no exemption, 

Him, too, friend Death removed from the ftage, 
When forty years and three weeks of age. 

32. He caught an inflammatory fever 

From which he might have recovered, however, 
If they had only let nature 
That beft of nurfes, work his cure. 

33. But a doctor who in curing was mighty, 
With a powerful dofe of Elixir Vitse, 

In the very beft method carried him faft 
To the place where we all rauft go at laft. 

34. And now when to the grave they bore him, 
The Schildeburgers did loudly deplore him, 

For there had not, in many a century, 

Been known fuch a famous night watchman as he. 


One is reminded by this chapter of " Father Mulvaney's 
Sarmon" in Mrs. Hall's Lights and Shadows of Irifh Life : 
" Now you fee that the great min of ould times are all dead ! 
not a mortial fowl of them all alive." 

" There was Julus Cafar and twelve of them there was— 
mortui est — he's dead !" 

Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 1S1 

" There was the great Cleopatra, an Egyptian, and a great 
warrior 5 he ufed to drink purls for ivather — mortus est ! he's 
dead too ! There was Marc Anthony, a grate frind and 
coajuthor of Cleopatra's, he had a grate turn for boating and 
the like — mortus est — he's dead too ! There was Charley- 
mange, a grate Frinch man of laming and tongues, and 
with all his laming — mortus est — he's dead too ! There was 
the grate Alexandre the gineral of the whole wide world — 
mortus est — he's dead too ! There was the grate 

Cicero, a mighty fine pracher like myself — mortus est — he's 
dead too !"